


Study Buddies

by mightyfinebear



Series: Chicago Med AU [3]
Category: Chicago Med
Genre: Angst, Chicago Med - Freeform, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Multi, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sexstead, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-09-14 22:19:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 34,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9205673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mightyfinebear/pseuds/mightyfinebear
Summary: Continuing from the two part story "Welcome Home" April is in her second semester of medical school and the challenge of balancing work with finals is becoming too much to handle. Will and Maggie notice and offer help, but many late nights left alone together cause Will and April to see each other in a new light. But who will admit it first when they both are still in love with other people?





	1. Tutor Needed

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of a world created from another story "Welcome Home" there are direct quotes and memories from it as well as canon language taken directly from the show.

The long deep sigh coming from April could be heard from across the ED. Maggie glanced over at Will and their eyes met. Will looked from Maggie to April who was administering medication to a patient. The night shift was like this sometimes, so quiet that a person could literally hear another’s breathing from across the room or an April’s case exasperating from exhaustion and frustration. April walked over to the hospital’s large main desk and sat down. She had been highlighting a section of her medications and diagnosis books before her alarm prompted her to go dispense medications to her patients. Another long sigh left her mouth when the overwhelming feeling of eyes on her caused her to look up.

“What?” April asked looking a little perplexed at Maggie and Will.

“How’s the studying going?” Maggie asked, “Because it seems like you might be a bit frustrated.”

Maggie’s face looked concerned and April pursed her lips and then blew her cheeks up with air letting the air escape.

“Sorry, I’m so tired. I’m not stuck with the material, but I’m not getting enough sleep or studying enough. I'm feel like I'm barely keeping up,” April answered as she blew out another breath of air and closed her eyes and leaned back into her chair.

Maggie leaned over on the desk.

“Okay how bout I look over your syllabus and your notes and we pick a time to speed study this week?” Maggie offered.

April opened her eyes and looked up a slow grin spread across her face.

“Really?” April’s smile brightened, “Because I need help this Thursday before my test on Friday.”

Maggie frowned, “I work during the day on Thursday, but maybe the next test?”

“I don’t,” Will interjected, “I could help….I don’t know if you noticed but I’m a doctor,” Will answered.

He was still looking over a chart but he was smiling slyly. April rolled her eyes and looked up at him and smiled. Will tapped two more buttons on his digital chart and then said,

“We can start at ten sharp, I’ll bring the coffee.”

He set the chart down and walked to bed nine to check on his patient.

………………………

_“What’s that?” April asked, Connor stared at it a bit and then replied._

_“Riyadh, I was the new hotshot American student who thought everyone needed to hear my idealistic ways even though I didn’t know shit. I got in a fight in a hotel lobby, the best part, he was American too.”_

_Connor and April both laughed._

_“You should get that,” Connor said._

_“Get what?” April asked inquisitively._

_“The door,” Connor said smiling._

 The beating on the door was muffled and April practically didn’t hear it. She looked at her clock it was 10:15.

 _“Shit,”_ April thought as she got up quickly and grabbed her robe and ran to her door.

“I am so sorry,” April lamented as she let Will in, “How long have you been waiting?”

“Uh fifteen minutes,” said Will while looking at his watch with a half-smile however his eyes revealed his annoyance.

 “Have a seat I’ll be out in a second. I need to grab my books,” April said looking down ashamed at her tardiness.

Her cheeks burned as she realized she was in her robe and scarf. This was not how she wanted to start but after Will had offered to help her study she had managed to actually sleep a bit easier than she had all month. She knew medical school was hard but she had no idea how much it would differ from nursing school and she had overestimated her ability to work and go to school. She hastily shut the door not realizing that she had clothes in the way; making it unable to latch. She dropped her robe looking for some jeans and a t-shirt to throw on. Will was standing in her living room and he turned to put down the now tepid coffee on her sofa table. He didn’t mean to, but he caught an eyeful of April hopping around her room; with one leg in her jeans, and the other leg bare as she was sliding her pants up looking for a shirt on her floor. He never really looked at April, sure she was attractive after all he wasn’t blind, but he had grown close to Natalie, and he never really saw any other woman but her. But there was April; taut flat smooth stomach, and warm mahogany skin. Her back was bare and toned and her skin appeared as if it was almost glowing.

“ _Wow,”_ Will thought for a second before he turned around quickly hoping that his lingering hadn’t been as long as it felt.

April emerged a moment later wrapping a scrunchie around her curls piling them high on her head.

 “Okay, let’s get started,” she said putting her books down and opening her notes.

 Will was all business but he was extremely helpful; he told April what she would most likely be tested upon, and what she would need to cover on her own time. They made it through three chapters quicker than Will thought. April’s nursing background allowed her to speed through some of the text because she already knew it but she lacked the confidence to make some of the leaps and connections that she would need for diagnostics.

 “You know if you keep it up at this rate you should be fine, of course you’ll want to make sure you’re actually waking up to make it to class on time,” Will said poking fun at April's tardiness.

 April’s cheeks burned and she rolled her eyes up and laughed.

 “I really am sorry, I haven’t been sleeping very well. I’m always so paranoid that I’m not going to do well on these tests so I toss and turn all night and with working it’s just been rough,” April said apologetically.

 “Hey, I get it I worked my way through med school too not as much as you which has added to the astronomical amount of debt and overwhelming monthly bills I pay every month,” Will added with a pessimistic laugh.

 April along with the rest of the hospital knew that Will was working like a dog because his insurance was so expensive. She had seen him when she was coming into work and he was going out for a few hours before coming back in for the late shift. By law they were only allowed to work so many hours so he staggered them and then took one day off a week to sleep and run errands. Thursday must have been his day to catch up. All of this knowledge made April feel guilty knowing he had sat outside her door for fifteen minutes on his day off when he could be sleeping or just relaxing. The grumbling sound of Will’s stomach broke through April’s self-pity.

 “You want to order in?” April asked, “My treat,” she stated with a smile.

 “Um-," Will started.

 “-Please, it’s the least I can do for you helping me study…on your only day off,” April said insistently.

 Will smiled and then nodded. April picked up her cell and ordered from a Thai restaurant around the corner from her apartment. They had decided to take a break and eat before getting into the next session of studying.

 “I have taken three practice exams and I really want to take one more before the night is over obviously you don’t have to stay for that but I’m thinking another three hours of study then the practice exam and a T.L.E before bed.” April said before pushing in a mouthful of noodles.

 Will nodded while chewing and then said,

 “How in the world are you so far ahead?” Will asked.

 “I read half of the book a couple weeks before the course actually started. I skimmed or reviewed almost all of my materials before the semester began. I need to be prepared, I have to pass,” April smiled before cramming another mouthful of noodles in.

 They finished eating and began the second round of her notes and review boards. Another three agonizing hours later April felt comfortable with the material but she was getting sleepy and her yawning was contagious.

 “I should let you salvage what’s left of your evening. I think I’m going to do the practice test and then turn in,” April said sluggishly.

 “That’s probably smart, you know sleep is incredibly important part of your success in med school, as well as exercise to ward off anxiety and stress April,” Will lectured as he got up and grabbed his hoodie.

 “Right…doctor,” April laughed and he smiled.

 “Yeah- sorry it's hard to turn off you’re not exactly a total novice to this huh?” Will answered apologetically.

 She walked him to the door and then returned to her seat to take her practice test.

Will went straight home and paid some bills online and then looked at the clock it wasn’t that late but he knew he needed to get to sleep before pulling a double the next day.

………

_“Don’t you know?” Will asked_

_“-No” Natalie answered._

_Will moved toward her cupping her chin with his hand and kissed her._

_When he opened his eyes Natalie’s face was shining light all around it._

_“Dr. Halstead-,"_

“Dr. Halstead,” a nurse whispered forcefully, "We have the results for bed six."

 The light honed in perfectly from the hall like a flashlight flooding the small on-call room Will was napping in. He got up and went to the main desk where Maggie and April were smiling and hi-fiving each other.

 “Did I miss something good?” Will asked groggily.

 “Oh just April acing her test,” Maggie beamed.

 “My professor posted scores this weekend and I got an A!” April exclaimed.

 Will  walked over to hi-five her too. Her triumph felt like a win for him too. It was a good feeling. He masked his mood fairly well but deep down Will felt like he needed to make good for the things that he'd screwed up. He felt like the hospital and his colleagues didn’t trust him because of the lawsuit. He had no extra time because he had to work so much to pay for his regular bills and the staggering monthly cost of his medical insurance. The busy work life left no time for socializing and as for dating, well Natalie had made it clear she wasn’t ready, and when she was it was with Jeff Clarke. Helping April was the first time he got to socialize, help a colleague, and actually hang out with a woman even though that woman was April; his friend.

 “Well we’ve got to get you ready for finals, I know that it seems premature but you have to start early so you can be as prepared as possible,” Maggie said, her tone turned serious, “So I can help this Thursday if you want.”

 “Yes, to all that,” April answered enthusiastically. 

 She looked over to Will whose face had dropped a bit. He moved back and grabbed a chart and headed to the patient’s bedside. A moment of perplexity filled April as she saw him go. It made her question if she should invite him too considering the success she had on her exam. A moment later he came back.

 “So what should we order next time? Pizza? What do you like on your pizzas?” April asked Will with a smile.

 Will’s eye brightened a bit and he answered, “I like everything…except pineapple, that’s just wrong.”

………..

 

A week later Maggie and Will were helping prep April’s notes, review pages, flashcards, and example case reports for her finals. Maggie typed faster than most writers and had actually charged to type up notes for people when she was in college. Medical school was a much heavier load; so three hours and two slices of pizza later, Maggie had finished and was also finished hanging out.

 “Alright, this should get you set up, obviously you are going to have a ton more work to do but this is a good start. You know you take really good notes, I’m impressed, and coming from a master like myself you should really take that compliment to heart,” Maggie said smiling and looking at the stack of papers on April’s kitchen table.

 Maggie got up and snapped her purse close after retrieving her keys.

 “You leaving?” April asked.

 Maggie lifted a sly smirk to one side of her face.

 “I actually have a date this evening this was not my whole night!” Maggie giggled.

 “Well have fun! I want details!” April yelled out to Maggie as she walked out of the apartment.

 Will was not really paying attention to either of them he was scanning April’s advanced anatomy and physiology book like he was going through memory lane. April looked over and felt the familiar feeling of guilt creep into her mind. Maggie was out living her life and here was Will wasting another evening at April’s house when he could be relaxing at his home or having a love life of his own. April got up and walked over to the couch where he was sitting.

 “You know Will, you have been a powerhouse for me these last couple of weeks, but you don’t have to stay if you don’t want to,” April said looking down at her fingers.

 “Oh, yeah you know if you have plans I should probably get going too,” Will said breaking his trance into her book.

 April laughed, “Uh...no this is my life but just because I don’t have one doesn’t mean you don’t have to have one either, I mean no dates or social plans?” April asked.

 Will shook his head and looked back down at the book, “Nope sadly the girl I wanted didn’t want me and I have almost no time to have a real social life because I work twenty-five eight and one day a week would hardly suffice to maintain a relationship,” Will said still looking through April’s book and jotting down a few things in a notepad next to him.

 “Ah rejection my old friend,” April laughed.

 “Is that-," Will started to say before he stopped himself and shook his head and looked back down at the textbook.

He had that same look on his face when April came back from her leave from the hospital; she welcomed it then, but now she wanted to know what he was going to say.

 “Is that what?” April asked her interest piqued.

“Um nothing, forget it,” Will said his cheeks burning a bit for allowing his curiosity to pry into April's private life.

 “Will,” April said commandingly, “What? I won’t get upset, I mean I may but I’ll be more annoyed if you don’t say anything at all.”

 “You mentioned rejection and I wondered if that was why you and Rhodes split,” Will finally said looking up at her at the end of his question.

 “Oh, um no, rejection was not our problem,” April said.

 Will nodded and with that same inquisitive look and then looked back down at the text. April moved to sit in front of Will on her coffee table.

 “I know that there was hospital gossip, which trust me makes me cringe, but we’re friends so go ahead ask me,” April said pulling the book from Will’s lap.

 “Was it not his?” Will asked trepidatiously. April’s eyebrows raised a bit, “I’m sorry, forget it that was way rude and incredibly out of line.”

 “No, um I mean yes, the baby was his. I don’t really talk about it very much," April started before taking a deep breath in, "I loved Connor, I still do, but he slept with another woman while we were together... before I had a chance to tell him that I was pregnant," April looked down at her fingers at the recollection, "He found out the day I had the miscarriage,when that idiot knocked me over. I’d only told Nat. I forgave him but with school and the amount of energy our relationship needed to heal I didn’t have time for both," April let out a deep sigh.

 “Whoa,” Will said; his eyes wide but still looking down at his hands.

He still felt a little ashamed addressing some of the rumors he’d heard in passing around the hospital.

 “Can I ask you something?” April said looking at Will.

 “Yeah,” Will answered quickly hoping a disclosure of his own would help to even the field a bit.

 “The girl that rejected you, was it Nat?” April asked.

He looked back down and then up and smiled but his eyes betrayed him and conveyed a sadness April had seen many times and now knew it was a broken heart.

 “Yup,” Will replied, “She wasn’t ‘there’ yet, but then our wonderful new intern Jeff Clarke showed up and I guess that was that.”

 Will was rolling a piece of excess notebook paper between his fingers before shooting it across the room. He stood up and stretched; arching his back allowing his shirt to creep up revealing the muscles perfectly outlining his six pack. His tightened Adonis like ripples stacked on top of themselves as he moved to stand upright.

 _"Damn,"_ April thought but she quickly looked away hoping that she hadn’t been caught.

She didn’t really think of Will like that. He was the hot headed resident, now an attending, that didn’t listen to anyone and always thought he was right. And as Connor’s girlfriend she hadn’t really paid him very much attention;considering he and Rhodes' constant bickering and feuding.Their confessions had turned the mood serious and April needed to lighten things up.

 “You know you could just jump on Tindr and hook-up,” she said breaking the tense air.

 Will raised his eyebrow and smiled before shaking his head no.

 “There was this drug rep once that I was kind of doing that with but it went south pretty fast, “Will said laughing,“We should get back to work.”

 April nodded and as she stood back up and walked over to the table and began highlighting and reviewing past chapters;asking Will every now and then what his opinions were on her diagnosis' or system evaluations. Will would stop and yell out a function or symptom and make her state the system of the disease and the treatment. Will knew it was time to leave when his voice felt hoarse from yelling things out. He left around seven like last time knowing he was probably just going to head home and go to bed. April stayed up for another hour and looked over her next practice exam questions before putting herself to bed.

  _"Is this distracting?” Connor asked as he inched toward her face placing a kiss on her cheek, “How about this?” Will said and placed another one on her neck._

April’s body flinched and her eyes shot open waking herself from the dream. She was wet and confused. Many of nights she dreamed of Connor and the numerous times they made love. Unconsciously it was the only sex she was having but Will intruding into the dream was unexpected and it made her feel kind of dirty. She got up and got a glass of water from the kitchen. She looked over and realized that Will had left his hoodie at the dining table. She brought it up to her nose and inhaled it  _“_

 _What the hell April…what are you doing?”_ she dropped the sweater and went to back to bed.


	2. Deadlines and Dead Realtionships

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An uncomfortable dream is pushing April to avoid Will but he is insistent on helping her through school. After an awkward accident at her apartment Will sees April an a compromising way encouraging thoughts about her that he didn't fully believe were even there. Who will break first and admit that there is a physical connection between them?

April was grabbing her coffee from the vendor outside of the hospital before heading into work. She was still on the night shift and still juggling school. Her last two exams had been successful thanks to her colleagues and she was preparing for her last test before her cumulative finals. The vendor was so used to April purchasing coffee from him before and after work that he just prepared a small cup of coffee the way she liked like clockwork. They would exchange money, a nod, and April would be off to work or speeding home to study and do homework. She was determined not to ask for anymore help from Maggie or Will. Especially Will. After having that dream lately she had found it hard to look him in the eye. The dream aroused her she couldn’t deny it, her body sure didn’t, but she couldn’t decide if it was because Connor was in the dream or if it was Will’s presence. The easy decision was that she didn’t have too much time to really dwell on it. The harsh reality was that April kind of needed to let off some steam the kind that involved another human lying on top of her. She hadn’t been with anyone since Connor. Just then a horrible idea invaded her thoughts _“I wonder if he’s been with anyone…I wonder if he’s seeing Sam?”_ April’s face sunk and her eyes started to fill with tears.

“Hey,” Will’s voice snapped her out of her dread.

“Hey,” April said looking down and away.

She didn’t want him to study her face too much and his vicinity to her reminded her of the dream, her cheeks started to burn as she began walking towards the hospital doors. Will’s eye caught her avoidance and he matched her steps toward the hospital entrance.

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in a while; how’s everything going?” Will asked looking forward.

He was hoping if she didn’t look at him she would feel more comfortable divulging what was wrong.

“Things are good. I’m still really busy especially with finals coming up in the next couple of weeks, and I have the last course material exams in a couple of my classes before the end of the year cumulative finals. It’s a bit overwhelming but I’m dealing,” April had regained some of her composure that she lost moments before.

“Well, I’m still here if you need anyone to bounce ideas off of,” Will said reassuringly.

 _She needed to bounce off something alright_. April’s face felt flush again.

“Will, that’s really kind of you, but you and Maggie have done enough for me. I really can’t ask for any more of your time,” April answered still looking at the ground as they got to main doors of the hospital.

“April, you aren’t _taking_ any of my time. I’m offering, and I like hanging out it gives me something to do besides staring obsessively at my excel financial spreadsheet for hours," Will said with a laugh.

April burst out laughing at the idea of him at home doing that; eyes bugged and crazed.

“I’m free tomorrow afternoon,” April said.

It was kind of a jerk move she knew he worked relentlessly and that Thursday was really his only day or night to do anything but she was hoping he’d say no until she washed her mind of them kissing.

“Okay, you want to start early?” Will answered without hesitation.

April’s eyes widened for a second and with a phony smile she answered.

“Yeah, great.”

……….

April was trying her best to clean up around her house. The weeks of studying, work, sleep, and repeat had left her apartment a total mess. Will would be arriving soon and she was doing her best to make sure he had a clear spot to sit at either her table or her couch. The knock at the door was definitely Will who was always punctual so she yelled for him to come in so she could finish cleaning.

“Hey,” Will said watching April get a hold of the chaos in her house.

She was zipping around; throwing away junk mail, and putting things back to their rightful places as quickly as possible. He set down the iced coffees he brought over and smiled at her.

“Hey Will,” she said with a sheepish smile at the mess, "Should we get started?”

Will nodded as he sat on the couch. April went to the table and sat down. She cracked her book open and fired a series of questions at Will. He stood up to pace a bit while he gave the answers and shot questions back at her about why the procedures were done the way they were done. He picked up one of the coffees and brought it over to her. He walked behind her still answering a question and bent down over her shoulder to place the coffee down. April could smell his cologne; cedar and orange zest filled her nostrils. 

 _"How about this?” Will said and placed another one on her neck._  

April flinched quickly knocking the cup over into her lap. The coffee hit the floor splashing brown liquid all over the wall and on Will’s clothes.

“Whoa!” Will yelped.

“Shit! Oh my god I’m so sorry!” April moved quickly to the kitchen to grab Will a towel.

When she turned around his t-shirt was partially soaked sticking to his chest and showing peak-a-boo outlines of the splendor underneath. April darted her eyes away.

“I have a stackable, if you want I can throw your clothes in so they won’t stain," April said embarrassed to look at him again.

“I didn’t exactly bring a change of clothes,” Will answered his cheeks were flush at the thought and at April whose skin was glistening from the liquid.

“I think I have something that will fit you,” April said while walking to her room.

She emerged with a pair of sweatpants, a tank top, and the hoodie he left at her place.

“You left this here,” April’s cheeks were fully flushed now at thought of smelling Will’s hoodie.

Will went to her bathroom to change, when he emerged April was gone. He walked over to her room with his clothes in hand. Her door wasn’t fully closed again. Her room was a nightmare; there were clothes everywhere, on the floor, and amiss the piles of laundry there was April. All the way down to a pair of lace panties; her braless toned back catching the light to give definition to her all the grooves, muscles, and curve of her backside. She turned around but she was looking down at the pile of clothes for a bra and a shirt. Will turned away quickly but he had already seen all of her. Those two perfect breasts smooth and perky; her velvety nipples, all that glowing brown skin reflecting off the light.

 _“Jesus…. c’mon Will that’s creepy, don’t be a creep,”_ he thought.

But his body was already betraying him. He could feel the rise in his sweatpants. He took a deep breath in and thought about the digestive system in graphic detail.

“I almost thought about jumping in the shower but I’ll do it later,” April said walking out of her bedroom with her wet clothes in hand.  
She walked over to Will who had his clothes perfectly placed over his groin. He was sitting on the couch almost in a trance.

“Will, I’ll take those and throw them in the wash,” April said looking at him strangely.

“Oh, yeah here,” Will said sheepishly.

He tried to look at her face but his eyes went right to her shirt that formed a well straight down to her breasts he was trying to avoid.

April grabbed the clothes none the wiser and walked them over to her small washer. She threw them in and started it up. She went back over to the table and cleaned up the mess. Will came over to help.

“So whose clothes am I wearing? Have you been using Tindr?” Will teased.

April looked up at him in and rolled her eyes.

“They’re Connor’s. I should probably get all his stuff back to him at some point,” April said focusing on throwing away the soiled paper towels.

“Well that explains why they are so small,” Will replied, with some humor in his tone.

He now was wondering when the last time Connor was here and why they hadn’t gotten to exchanging things. He was not going to ask though. He felt pretty invasive as it was asking about their relationship. On top of that he was in her house wearing Connor’s clothes and looking at his girl naked in her bedroom. The thought made him blush again.

“Okay let’s get started for real this time,” April laughed nervously.

They covered everything she needed for her exam and built up more of her study guide that Maggie had typed up at their last study session.

“You are more than ready to attack this next exam April; you shouldn’t have anything to upset you now,” Will said as he took a bite from his sandwich.

They had ordered in again, April’s treat for more free help. She was stabbing at her salad when she looked up at him confused.

“What makes you think I’m upset? Exhausted and stressed out but not upset,” April said.

“Oh, it’s just yesterday you looked like you were on the verge of tears and I thought it was school. I know med school pushed me many times to the brink of tears," Will confessed chewing on his sandwich.

“No that wasn’t school that was an intrusive thought, something I have tried my best to pretend isn’t an inevitable, but very much is,” April said before shoving a tomato in her mouth.

Will’s curiosity was gnawing at him again so he asked.

“What’s the inevitable?”

“Connor, moving on with someone else, I mean it’s naïve to think he could wait for me people don’t do that,” April said her eyes forward looking at the wall.

The conversation made her lose her appetite. She put the salad on the end table next to her and sipped her water.

“I would’ve,” Will said.

“For Nat?” April asked

“Yeah, hell I did,” Will said slowly, “It's not a good feeling at all, seeing the person you love with someone else,” Will set his sandwich down.

They were both a pathetic site. April looked over at Will sitting there with a look that mirrored her own; defeat. She raised her water glass.

“Here’s to deadlines and-,"

“-Dead relationships,” Will said laughing.

His laugh made April break into laughter. They clanked their glasses of water and began the second half of their study session.

The dryer had buzzed to signal its conclusion and April finally had to end the six hour study session. April got Will’s clothes and he changed in the bathroom, taking his hoodie with him.

“You know you should probably just mail these to him to avoid any arguments,” Will said handing her the folded clothes.

“We didn’t argue the last time he was here, it wasn’t exactly a verbal encounter,” April said thinking to her and Connor’s last time.

Will laughed and his cheeks got flushed. His laugh snapped April out of her memory and into what he was thinking.

“Oh,” April burst out laughing, “Sorry TMI.”

Will shook his head still laughing and left the apartment.  
…………..

 _He pushed himself inside her and brought his face down to kiss her lips. Natalie was even more beautiful than he had ever dreamed, her creamy olive skin and luscious lips were more than he ever wanted or expected to have. Every thrust inside of her was a realization of a fantasy, a dream, a moment of frustration finally being eclipsed by this moment. He started kissing her neck when he heard a familiar giggle. He moved his face over to look at her but instead was besieged by a mass of soft wild curls. April was giggling at the kisses he was giving her. He looked down at her round brown breasts which had replaced the olive skin he was appreciating not a moment before. He was taken aback but he stayed inside her. He brought his face down to kiss her, harder than before, the moan was new. He looked again and it was Natalie. “Don’t you love me anymore Will?” Will looked confused he smiled, “Of course I do,” and he kissed her again speeding up his hips, delighted his dream was back on track. He could tell he was close he kept kissing her until he came. He opened his eyes and it was April again._ _”Was it everything you thought it would be Will?”_

Will’s eyes flashed open and he sat up, his body trying to escape the wet spot in his bed.

“Christ,” Will hissed.

He felt like a fourteen year old unable to control himself.He couldn’t remember the last time this had actually happened to him. He stripped the bed and threw the sheets in his hamper. His redressed his bed and got back in. He laid there awhile the images of him and Natalie pushing to the forefront of his mind, but then just as quickly as he was closing his eyes and thinking about Natalie there was April naked, beautiful, skin glowing, tits perfect, and smiling at him. He would always open his eyes when images of April flashed into his thoughts. Her body was more real to him than Natalie's; he'd actually seen it and now here he was in bed thinking about touching it…being inside of it.

 _“No Will you two are just friends.”_  

His heart rate finally came down and he fell asleep.


	3. Finals and Foreplay?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a week before finals and Will has offered to help April finish strong but the unspoken attraction between them is growing and building, alone in her apartment after their last study session seems like the perfect time to finally act upon all those pent up feelings but will they?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So have you ever been reading you own writing and thought to yourself who the hell am I fooling? Yeah me neither. I feel like the last two chapters have been a bit rudimentary so I made some changes.I'm hoping this one will flesh the characters out a bit more as well as build up their world and personal feelings . The writing style is a little different from the last chapters there isn't as much dialogue but this is more "me" so I hope you like it :)

Will trudged into the ED to start the first of his double shift. The back-to-back shifts day in and out for the past few months had begun to take its toll on his psyche. The recurring space, odors, lights, and even the repeated medical cases had turned his commute into a sojourn a long torturous journey turned animal that feasted on what was left of spontaneity and the unforeseen. The electronic doors opened into the mouth of his torture chamber until he heard the duality of laughter. The giggles formed a strange pit in his stomach, a mixture of curiosity, anxiousness, excitement, and even enticement. It was a strange response to laughter but not considering who it was coming from. He knew those sounds and not unlike his dream the laughter picked up was different but the same like a siren forming into one person. Triggered was not the right word to use but if felt right and standing like some manifestation of a strange hallucination were April and Natalie laughing in the hall over a video on Nat’s phone. He felt exposed like they were watching a loop of his dream on repeat critiquing his form and confusion at their bait and switch seduction game. But those fears were irrational no one can see another’s dreams and Nat and April were friends they could easily be laughing at a cat video. He strolled up vanquishing those thoughts that would fuel awkward emotions behind simply saying,

“What’s so funny?” Will asked casually. Both women looked up still red-faced and laughing.

“You have to see this video of Nat’s son babbling to Jeff like they are old friends,” April said through her laughter.

Immediately she had regretted the admission she wished Natalie had been the one to introduce the content to Will, it wouldn’t have been any better at sparing his feelings or making the scene less uncomfortable given his burning torch for her. That’s the thing about joy when one has it one wants to share it but one person’s joy is another's misery. Such may not have been the case for Will his grin seemed genuine- after all he loved Natalie and he cared deeply for her son too so if there was joy brought to the child and Natalie it brought him joy too.

"Aww, that’s cute,” Will added looking over their shoulders at the babe’s coos. 

The comment was as much energy as he could expel considering this place had already begun siphoning from him just by standing in the hall and like gasoline on a fire here he was remarking on the happiness of his love and her two loves neither of which were him. His feelings were the equivalent to a paper doll that could get whisked away at any moment by a gust of his flattened emotions.They were leveled by jealously, bitterness, and frustration at all the things his current situation did not provide.

“You working today April?” He asked changing his tone in an instant.

“No I had some things that I needed to change in my schedule so I saw Sharon and Maggie,” April answered. She was glad that the moment seemed to pass him and the subject changed quickly.

“Are you moving back to days?” Will continued. It didn’t really matter he saw her either way although he would be lying to himself if he didn’t believe that seeing Natalie and April together hadn’t rattled his psycho-sexual cage. _Fucking wet dreams, is this that second puberty people talk about?_

“Soon, I’m going to take a week off to focus on my finals and then I will be back to days,” April answered.

“We should all celebrate after you’re done, I’ll get a sitter and plan a night to let loose maybe get you back out there again?” Natalie added with a smile.

 _What the hell does she mean by that?_ Will thought to himself he was the one around her the most at least lately and he knew that she was still in love with Connor. April wasn’t ready to “get back out there again” she needed more time to consider her options and work through her feelings. Will’s brow had furrowed a bit; unbeknownst to him. April watched his face and wondered if the conversation was making him uncomfortable again. She let out an awkward chuckle to break up the subject.

“Anything after the fifteenth works; I will be homework free for three months!” April said opening her arms as if to signal the welcoming freedom of time and maybe even some casual sex back into her life.

“How is the studying for finals going?” Will asked switching the conversation again to hide his judgment.

“I feel good, why are you offering to help again?” April answered sheepishly.

“Just let me know the time and I’ll help you knock out your finals,” Will responded certainly.

He had grown tired of April’s trepidation for his volunteered tutoring. Didn’t she know that he loved hanging out with her? She gave him a space to be useful, needed, and she was an amazing listener. In that moment his paranoia over his dream dissipated and he realized that April would never tell Natalie anything they had discussed in private. Their relationship tragedies were like fraternal twins not perfectly mirrored but similar enough to be related. His was from loving what couldn’t be lost because it was never his and hers from losing what she was given no real choice in keeping. Natalie was watching their exchange when a small twinge of peevishness lodged itself into her like a splinter.

“Well I will keep you all in the loop and get this celebration together as soon as humanly possible because you are going to rock those finals, Will I’ll see you out there,” Natalie said wrapping up the conversation. She stuffed her cell in her pocket and headed to the main desk to see where she was assigned.

“I should probably get going I have class in a couple of hours and I still need to go home,” April said turning to Will, “But yes, studying, does Thursday work for you?” she asked walking backwards. Will nodded.

………..

Will got up the first time his alarm went off. That almost never happened anymore. He would usually spend most of the snooze cycle in bed quietly lamenting over the blandness of what had become of his life. The entering of numerals into his financial spreadsheet on Excel making small nicks but no real dents in his mountain of debt. The emptiness of his bed and the unusual quiet of his apartment, but this morning was different he was using his cologne that he realized he had only been putting on when he went to April’s to help her study. He actually stared at his clothes trying to figure out what to wear, something that he was not used to doing anymore. He settled on a blue-sapphire toned button-up, he rolled the sleeves to make the look more casual pairing it with jeans and a brown belt with a polished-chrome buckle. There was pep in his step when he grabbed coffee from the little café a couple blocks from her house. He had brought coffee every time they had a study session and the ritual had made it easier for him to allow her to buy lunch and sometimes dinner.

April was spooling the vacuum chord to the side of the machine before putting it away. She made sure her house was clean, actually clean this time, no more musty rugs, dusty end tables, caked on food on dirty dishes, stacks of take-out boxes, or piles of laundry. She woke up early to make sure that her house was presentable maybe that was why Will always offered to help; he thought she was a mess. It was sort of true the disorder of her life had turned her into a zombie eating at Will’s brain by day and when she didn’t inhabit that metaphorical form she was a vampire only thriving at night through work and constant studying. But this was 30 Days of Night and not Twilight. The past three months her beauty although undeniable had “slipped” or at least she felt it had. She never had time to deep condition her hair anymore or wear it “out” and make-up was a luxury she no longer wanted to deal with because removing it meant valuable time spent not enjoying the back of her eyelids. However with finals like a light at the end of the tunnel she was ready to flex her atrophied beauty muscles and be a person again. April wanted to get used to living in the daylight once more and if she was going to bring dates back here she needed her place to look like the home of someone that had their shit together not the make-shift home-less squalor that it had become in recent weeks. The thought filled her with embarrassment at how many times Will and Maggie had been over when her apartment was in disarray. Especially Will considering how much he’d visited in recent days he never said anything or let his eyes wander at the mess. He was always there reassuring her that she was doing fine and that she could succeed regardless of her own shaky confidence. He made her feel like she could be an amazing doctor.

The knock at the door came like the clockwork. Will was always punctual. When she opened the door the cedar and oranges assailed her nose, it wasn’t overpowering but intoxicating. His presence made her smile involuntarily; he looked really good she couldn’t put her finger on it, “ _did he get his haircut?”_ she questioned to herself. Will walked in with two coffees in his hand. Immediately the surroundings or lack thereof made his eyes widen not in disbelief but in a pleasant surprise. The house smelled good like fresh linens and vanilla or maybe that was April? When he walked past her into the apartment he got a whiff of coconuts and vanilla. He strolled over to her sofa table and put the coffees down placing a coaster under each to not destroy the aesthetic she'd created. Will turned to sit down and grab the coffee he claimed for himself. April came around the corner with her books and plopped down on the sofa not far from him. Usually she sat at the table perched like a good pupil but today she wanted to be closer. The confirmed smell of vanilla and coconuts also sat next to him. He stared at her longer than he realized, he was racking his brain trying to recall the last time he saw her with her hair down. The mass of curls haloed around her like a crown placed on golden statue. Her skin was doing that glowing thing that hypnotized him. Her shirt was in a wrapped pattern skimming and hugging her tiny torso and exquisite breasts. His mind rushed to the recollection of seeing her topless. He dropped his eyes in shame at his peeping ways and said,

“Alright what are we covering today?”

They went over almost a full year of material the first four hours of work before taking a break. April offered a small snack in lieu of lunch because she had decided to cook dinner for them instead of ordering in. Will was pleased with this plan because he’d felt like a leech letting her buy him lunch _and_ dinner during their study sessions. They decided to power through until dinner and call it day afterwards. April made them Moqueca de Camarão which Will had never tried but inevitably loved. Normally April served water to keep her head clear but she was already celebrating in her mind so she offered him a beer and he accepted.  They ate at the couch instead of the table. April purposely did this to keep it casual the entire vibe of this last study session was turning into a study date.Things were getting weird. She had snuck too many looks at him and unbeknownst to her he had been doing the same thing. He welcomed the casualty of the dinner and was a little apprehensive about the beer but it was just one and the big celebration would come in a week when she was done for the school year.

"So I have to ask,” April started after taking a large swig of her beer, “are you okay with going to this bar thing Nat is putting together? She’s going to invite Jeff too she's already mentioned it.”

"You know, I have gotten very used to seeing them together it’s really sort of a ‘suffer in silence’ kind of thing at this point,” Will said dryly, “Maybe it’s time to get back out there it’s been too long,” Will commented as he drank the last drops from his beer.

“Yeah I know what you mean, what’s the saying ‘the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else'?” April scoffed and threw her head back to allow her beer to rush down her throat.

Will looked over at her and smiled gazing at her gazelle like neck contracting. April put the bottle down and glanced over at him. He didn’t dart his eyes away like he normally would and she didn’t either. Something about the way he looked at her. He was lost again in the glow of her skin, the way her neck looked in the light, he wondered what it would be like to run his hands up it; to pull her chin up and kiss her. April watched a light she had never seen in Will’s eyes grow and take over almost a lure inviting her in. The enticing silence filled and began overflowing until April broke it by saying,

“I should probably clean up.”

There was no real conviction in her tone of the supposed needed action and the tension was still in the air but her words were spinning it into uncomfortable territory.The awkwardness she thought she was over had returned and it brought its friend anxiety. The problem with April and anxiety is that for her it manifested itself physically. It was a paralytic at times, but usually she could count on it to make her movements completely ungraceful, usually while trying to avoid touching someone or something all from some unnamed irrational fear. The anxiety monster jumped on April as she tried to step over Will’s sizable feet after grabbing his plate and empty beer but the monster tripped her and she fumbled over her own feet. Before she could land face first into the couch Will, not unlike a cat, quickly grabbed her.

In this moment  was the stark realization that after years of friendship, months of night shifts, and these last four weeks of study sessions these two had never really touched. Save for the time he helped her up from the floor in the ED they had avoided all physical contact. Not a hug; nor a handshake. All of that acquaintance physicality had been skipped and Will had his hands on her waist and what a grip he had.

She fell awkwardly onto his lap the empty bottle rolled to the floor the plate sat on the couch. The embrace had frozen them, most friends would laugh and bounce out of the situation, but Will and April had been putting all of their sexual tension into their own personal boxes and now it was knocked over and Pandora’s uncontrolled pent up sexual frustration, lingering stares, and impure thoughts were all over the apartment whizzing around and through them.

There was no denial of their physical chemistry. Immediately the feeling of his hands on her waist sent a stir to her loins that caused her heart rate to raise. Will could feel his pants tighten. The effect was so visceral and combustible the air could've caught on fire.

They stared at each other, their faces slowly coming together, both of their breaths were labored and nervous until the buzz of Will’s cellphone cracked the ice and they both fell into the allegorical waters. The icy shock knocked them back into reality. April quickly collected herself and then the bottle. Will grabbed his phone from his pocket and answered it.

“Hello,” he said trying to use the call as way to bring himself back into reality; whatever the hell that was now.

It was his brother calling to see if Will wanted to hang out. The moment was screwed so he used it as a way to escape whatever was happening between he and April.

“It’s my brother, I was supposed to meet him this evening,” Will said.

Lie.

“Yeah you know I need to get some sleep so….,” April muttered.

Lie.

Will got up and not unlike a patient leaving a doctor's appointment he said,

“Thanks for your time.”

He hurried out of the apartment and thought,

" _What the fuck Will ‘thanks for your time?!' what kind of shit was that_?"

 _"What kind of shit was that?"_ April thought.


	4. Summer Breaks and Green-Eyed Monsters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There should be a better word for awkward because that word would be used for the feeling between April and Will. The two still haven't admitted that they have feelings for each other and the denial and confusion has them running in opposite directions to other people with dire consequences for one, but for who and what happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *TRIGGER WARNING*  
> So I have a horrible habit of taking stories to a dark place. I promise that this and the the next chapter are as dark as I will allow this fic to get. But there is an attack/assault at the end it's heavily implied to be rape but we don't know what happens. I say we because I haven't wrote it and haven't decided quite yet what happens to the character.

If there was an anxiety monster that plagued April’s actions than an uncomfortable hell-beast had manifested itself from the cringe-worthy last exchange she and Will had had at her apartment. Timing had served her avoidance on a silver platter because she had taken a week off of work to study and she did it predominately on campus. Not being home made it easier to avoid what happened between her and Will; even though he hadn’t attempted to stop by he had sent a text asking how her finals were going and she politely responded but they had yet to actually address their non-date turned god only knows what. He probably wanted to forget it as fast as she did. She didn’t have much time to “feed the beast” in her mind because she was crammed with finals. April wasn’t particularly fond of being on campus, although she didn’t look her age she was older than most of the student body. Almost all of the connections she had made were superficial and pragmatic; usually just to fulfill assignments and tasks solely for school, she could hardly call any of them her friends. There was one guy that she had some level of friendship with; he was her labs partner. She wouldn’t say they were close but they talked about their frustrations with the rigors of the program and they exchanged a bit of general knowledge of their own lives. He was nice, handsome, but very young and she considered it at best a shallow connection. He'd actually asked April to study on numerous occasions, but she could always feel that his intentions were actually to ask her on a date than to really get any work done. This was why April always felt so guilty for asking Will to help her because there were plenty of students that had study groups, but they didn’t focus, and they weren’t really concerned with academic success. They were just kids to her that did not all share the same goals. April on the other hand _needed_ to succeed, she gave up her social life, her sanity, her free time, and she gave up Connor to pursue this endeavor.

 

When April got up that morning she felt an immense weight lifted off of her shoulders. It was Friday and it was time to take her last final of the school year. April arrived to class focused and prepared. There were a few questions that she found a bit troubling but then she would hear Will’s voice in her head dictating answers and questions back to her like her professors. The recollection of his voice calmed her. She finished up and handed her exam into the TA who whispered “good luck and have good summer” to April. She was halfway to the parking lot when she reacted to the rushing feeling of someone coming up quickly behind her. It was Parker her labs partner.

“Man you are a fast walker April Sexton,” he was almost out of breath her car was parked blocks away from the science building so he must’ve sprinted to reach her in time.

“Parker, hey, how do you think you did on the test?”

April was trying to keep the focus on school even though they were finished. Why else would he run four city blocks to get to her?

“Yeah I think it well,” he said smiling.

She hadn’t been particularly interested in Parker but it wasn’t because he was unattractive he was actually anything but that. When he smiled he flashed a beautiful cascade of white teeth. He didn’t have those creepy denture teeth either each one had its own shape but they were straight and beautiful against his tan skin.

“Oh good, okay... well have a great summer,” April said filling up the empty space where a goodbye should’ve been. Parker stepped closer to her to keep the conversation open.

“So a few of us from class are going to go out tonight to celebrate the end of the school year I wanted to see if you wanted to come too.” His hazel eyes radiated legitimacy in his invitation but April knew that Nat had made plans for the hospital gang to take April out and celebrate so for once she actually had a real excuse for not accepting his invite.

“Actually my friends are doing something similar for me tonight so…,”

He nodded his head but he still didn’t look defeated he smiled and grabbed her hand. He pulled a sharpie out of his back pocket and wrote his number down on her palm. _Old school._

“Well if you get bored or if you would like to add one more to your party then please give me a call.”

Parker gently let her hand down and grinned at her before walking away. April couldn’t pretend like his proposal didn’t intrigue her. She got in the car and headed over to the hospital to talk to Nat about the details of their group outing.

When she got to the hospital Natalie was at the main check in desk talking to Maggie.

“HEY!” they practically yelled in unison, both were beaming from ear to ear.

“There’s our girl, how‘d it go?” Maggie asked moving around the desk to close the space between her and April.

“I feel really good about all the finals but obviously I won’t know my results for a few weeks I just wanted to come by and say thank you... _and_ I wanted to know what time we are doing everything tonight.”

April’s success and determination were infectious; Natalie couldn’t stop smiling at her, she was so proud of April considering how things went for her last year. Natalie had seen her through the loss of her baby and her relationship. It was definitely time to celebrate something.

“Well I was hoping we could all go to Molly’s at the end of our shift, most of us get off in a couple of hours so if you want we can meet you there,” Natalie explained.

“Ooh fun, _so_ who’s all going?” April was not slick with her question, well maybe to them, but she had to know if Will was going to be there because if he was then he was probably dragging their beast with him.

“Well remember that guy that I had the date with a few weeks ago? Well he’s coming tonight,” Maggie answered coyly.

 _That’s two_.

“Me and Jeff.”

_That’s four._

“I’ll be there,” Will announced strolling up behind April _._

 _The hell-beast snarled._ The hair on April’s neck sat up and her pulse rose. An immediate light wave of perspiration hit her and her throat went dry.

“I’m bringing someone too,” Will said smiling but avoiding April’s eyes.

The revelation sent the tiniest stabs into her stomach. April didn’t know how she felt about it. She knew she still loved Connor, but something had grown between her and Will in the last few months. They'd exchanged so much emotional currency her love for Connor almost felt spent up. But he had a date. _A fucking date_. It didn’t matter if there was something built up because at this moment he made her feel like it was all in her head. April dug deep in her emotional closet and found her fake smile to go along with some faux enthusiasm at his admission.

“Oh awesome!” _Taylor Swift would be proud_ she was laying it on thick.

She was looking directly at Will trying to make him face her _, it was time to slay this beast_ , but he wouldn’t make eye contact he just kept messing with the digital chart. She mustered up one more fake smile and told everyone goodbye and drove home.

When she got there she looked at her hand and dialed Parker’s digits. His excitement easily translated over the phone but he did his best to try and play it cool. He was failing. He ditched his original plans and told her he’d meet her at Molly’s with the rest of the group at eight. April was serious about her transformation from vampire to human. She needed tonight to be the transition from her the old April to the new one. School was just the first step, she wouldn’t do insecure and she wouldn’t do prudish; anymore that was part of her Catholic upbringing, and her parent’s incessant but always unspoken need for her to be the perfect daughter; the sacrificial lamb that never did what she wanted only what was expected. Not tonight, not ever again. She had one year of medical school down and a summer to make up those absences from her life.

... 

Will didn’t know what the hell he’d been thinking as of late. His feelings were a tangled mess. He still felt deeply for Natalie but those emotions were beginning to shrink they didn’t take up as much room inside of him anymore. His thoughts were no longer filled with her during the days and she didn’t haunt his dreams at night. Instead he couldn’t stop analyzing what was happening between him and April. _They were friends._ He would repeat it to himself like a mantra over and over again until he believed it. There was no way she was interested in him; he was just the creep that had caught an eyeful one too many times. She hadn’t returned any signals or hints his way but then he remembered their final study session and how quickly things had changed. The way she looked at him that night _was_ different and she was leaning into that kiss too. _It was probably just a little alcohol and mutual sexual frustration but not for each other._

That was the conclusion he always got to and that assumption is what led him to swipe right and bring Casey Kepner into his sorted mess. Will picked her up at her place via Uber. When she answered the door her picture did not disappoint. Casey had blonde hair greenish-blue eyes and was originally from Milwaukee. She was a receptionist for a civil rights attorney and she loved baking, cats, and PETA. She was slim not particularly voluptuous but overall attractive.

When they got to Molly’s Jeff, Natalie, Maggie, and Keith were sitting at three combined tables. Everyone greeted each other but Will’s eyes immediately went to the two empty chairs at their conjoined table.

“Is someone else besides April coming?” Will asked casually pointing to the mysterious eighth chair.

“Yeah April’s bringing a friend or something,” Maggie answered nonchalantly.

The reply immediately made Will tense, _a friend or something what the hell did that mean_?, and almost as if the cosmos could’ve cared less of his feelings in walked April in a tight mini dress. The thin horizontal striped pattern wrapped perfectly around her curves and the juxtaposition of pastel flowers flanking the sides of the dress made her tiny waist look even impossibly tinier. You could almost see the flowers on her left side but for the large tanned fingers wrapped too close for Will’s comfort at April’s waist. There was her “friend”. A tall racially ambiguous man with a dapper haircut and a hipster vest to go with his fossil watch and skinny black jeans. _What the fuck_.

April wasn’t excited to have Parker’s hand on her waist but she did notice that Will noticed it. She also noticed the blonde bird next to him chirping away at Jeff and laughing in a high pitched giggle that could’ve broken the glasses at the table. _Really her?!_ April and Parker inhabited the last two empty chairs. Parker put his arm on the back of April’s chair and leaned back slightly away from the table. He was a sight to behold; Gucci models could’ve learned a thing or two. They went around the table introducing all the new people to their group going through the pleasantries of empty but ultimately interrogative questions, the usual table talk, “what do you do, do you like it, how’d you meet”,but when it was Parker’s chance to speak Will's disposition quickly went downhill. Will had had a couple of shots and watching Parker whisper whatever the hell he was whispering in April’s ear made his blood spike.

“How old did you say you were again?” Will butted in before Parker even opened his mouth.

“Twenty-two,” he replied confidently with that beautiful grin.

Will wanted to knock his teeth out. Instead he raised both eyebrows in a short movement that seemed to feed his aggressive curiosity but alas the night was still young. Natalie broke up the awkwardness by asking Parker if he knew what specialty he was thinking of going into. He was unsure but Will didn’t like the way he looked at Natalie either. His answers were always laced with a flirty innuendo that was driving Will out of his mind. For Jeff’s part he didn’t seem to notice he was talking to Casey telling her some story about a fire that the attorney Casey worked for ended up being a part of. Will could’ve cared less that his romantic rival was talking to his date because he had drawn a target in the middle of the tanned forehead of the douche-bag across the table.

The ladies got up to use the restroom;probably to talk about everything not said at the table, and Will could no longer control his tongue.

“So you said you guys had a class together? I've been helping April study all semester; it’s odd she never mentioned you,” Will probed then stabbed with his words.

Parker’s eyes flashed an annoyance but that smile was back masking it, “Funny cause she never mentioned you either.”

Will smiled but he couldn’t keep his contempt for this kid from his eyes. Keith had long been sitting there with Jeff watching this passive aggressive exchange. He faked a yawn when he saw the women walking back to the table before saying,

“Well I think the bed is calling me.”

Parker stood up and said,

“I think that’s where we all hope to end up tonight just maybe not to sleep,” he winked over to Keith and flashed a devilish smile.

Will furrowed his brow and he could feel the expletives forming in his mouth when the women arrived at the table. Natalie read the look on his face as she watched Will stare at Parker who was asking April if she wanted to get ready to leave. The splinter dug into her again and she snapped out of it when she realized that Jeff was talking to her; asking her the same question. Everyone walked out of the bar together taking off in different directions, enjoying the beautiful spring night Chicago’s weather offered.

Will’s date had invited him back to her house and he'd accepted; trying his best to pretend the very site of April in _that_ dress with _that_ guy hadn’t completely tanked his interest in Casey.

When they arrived at her place she invited him to sit down and she grabbed them a couple of drinks and sat them on her coffee table. Will hadn’t even taken a sip before she was on his lap straddling him; kissing his neck.

She quickly moved off of him to undo his belt and his zipper. The warmth of her mouth around his member came just as quick and also as unexpected because Will hadn’t made much of an effort to be in this moment but all the same it relaxed him and he rested his head on the back of the sofa and let his hand roam through her hair. His eyes closed and immediately there was April. He opened them instantly and his gaze fell upon a small porcelain cat figurine flanking an equally disturbingly tacky unicorn and he realized that he was nowhere near April and the blonde head bobbing up and down on his lap was not what he wanted. The actualization softened Will and Casey looked up at him perplexed.

_”Was it not everything you thought it would be Will?”_

“What did you say?” Will asked tucking his shirt back into his pants.

“I said is everything okay?” Casey asked, her lipstick smudged and haloed around her mouth.

“No, it’s not, I’m sorry Casey I don’t think I can do this,” Will announced apologetically.

He got up and walked out of her apartment, his phone in his hand ready to call a car service while walking a few blocks to cut the cost, but he ended up walking all the way to his house when he saw a group of guys yelling curse words and laughing. Will crossed the street to avoid the group but two skipped over menacingly. He kept walking when one whistled,

"Come up off that wallet motherfucker." 

 _Perfect_  the cap to a horrid evening would be a mugging. Will could get mugged or fight. He threw a punch and the pain of connecting with bone spiraled through his knuckle but there was no time to appreciate the injury he pushed the other guy as quickly as he could before taking off in a dead sprint towards his apartment. The furious breath of more than two runners were closing in on Will. He turned the corner and ran into three more men wearing the same colors.

 _Shit_.

 April hadn’t been crazy about the way the night had turned out. She was irritated that Will had gotten into her head again. His behavior screamed of a jealous boyfriend but he’d brought a _date_ and that dizzy blonde did not seem like his type; not if April was. But then the doubt would hit her like a sock full of nickels to the face and she wondered if he was just being an ass. It wouldn’t be completely out of character for him. He could be a curmudgeon at times. April and Parker engaged in more of the surface level conversation that she was accustomed to in their class, all the way to her apartment. To her surprise he kept talking and followed her up the three flights of stairs to her door; April had no intention of inviting him in.

“So, thank you for coming out. I hope you had a decent time considering...,” April trailed off hoping he could forgive Will’s rude behavior.

“Yeah it was cool, hey do you mind if I use you restroom? Too many drinks at the bar,” Parker said with his hundred watt smile.

The request wasn’t out of the question so April let him in. She showed him where the bathroom was as she helped herself to a glass of water in the kitchen. She didn’t even hear the toilet flush but there was Parker right behind her grabbing a handful of her rear and kissing her neck. The feeling was unexpected and unwelcome. April jumped slightly at the intrusion.

“Parker I’m not really feeling this right now,” April said beginning to step forward in the small space between her and the counter.

“C’mon April, I know you like me,” Parker said tightening his hold on her and not moving his mouth away from her.

He continued kissing her neck. April squirmed out of his grip.

“No Parker! I mean it! I think you should go.” April protested.

She began walking towards to the door to let him out but his movements did not concede to her words. He grabbed her arm and pulled her towards him. The tower of his body was becoming increasingly evident. April was no match for his size and strength as she slid right into his grasp. His hands were rough as they rose up her neck and grabbed her chin. He pushed his lips onto hers each smash rushed, sloppy, and greedy. His stumbling kisses led down her neck until she managed to push him away again. She landed a loud smack across his face. April’s hand stung but her adrenaline hardly let her feel it. The smack seemed like it knocked some sense into him until the flood of rage replaced the surprised look in his eyes he looked up and backhanded her. April crashed into the side table next to her door knocking over her lamp,the mail, and a candy dish full of junk she pulled from her pockets daily.The initial hit was numb until the blood rushed back into her cheek carrying an intense pain that webbed through the entirety of the left side of her face.

“Bitch!” Parker seethed.

The intensity hadn’t left his eyes and the look brought more panic and fear to April than she felt even in the previous moment. It was clear this situation was escalating but to what end? April lay on the floor contemplating her next move. She never thought she would have this internal conversation with herself. _To let him do what he wants, let him beat me or …_  April could barely stomach the thought in her own home…  _my god even kill me?_ To weigh these options was like weighing which part of herself to cut off first without anesthesia. The decision was quickly being taken from her. He stalked over to her leaned down and grabbed her by the ankle dragging her toward him. April screamed......


	5. Wanted: Roommate-non-smoker/ No pets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There isn't much that can get past Ethan Choi and an injured medical professional is no exception, but who is injured? April or Will. The revelation forces a major life change for our characters.  
> Jay Halstead makes a small appearance in passing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Violent*  
> The violence is revealed in this chapter and though it might have small references in the coming chapter this is the heart of it. Things look up...I promise....physically.

Will backed up quickly and tried to run around the men but they formed a wall he couldn’t penetrate. The thumping behind him closed in and the four men that had pursued him had finally caught their prey. Will was trying to think about what to protect first:  _spine, cranium, occipital lobe, kidneys?_ The light was starting to go out and darkness was encroaching all around him when the chirp of a cop car lit its lights up. The officer got out with his partner and Will exhaled realizing he had been holding his breath. The group of men surrounding Will slowly began to disperse but not before the officers yelled for everyone to put their hands up and place them on the brick building. They ran through everyone pretty quickly. Will was the obvious standout he wasn’t dressed like the rest and did not have their colors or similar tattoos. When he handed the cop his I.D. he asked him,

“Any relation to Jay?”

“He’s my brother.”

 A half smirk came up on the officer’s face. Will told them what happened and the attempted mugging fit the gang’s MO.

“You're free to leave, oh would you like to press charges?” the officer asked with about as much inflection as a restaurant worker would when offering cheese on a burger.

‘Nah,” Will answered; defeated, he just wanted to go home.

He sauntered off to his place climbing the steps to his brownstone. The night was definitely eventful that was for sure. He rested an icepack on his knuckles before retiring to bed. He got upstairs to his bedroom, brushed his teeth, and grabbed the water he kept on his bedside table to wash down some aspirin.

When he closed his eyes April appeared; even with another woman’s saliva drying on his dick and a throbbing hand Will could not get her off his mind. Maybe this was the night he deserved, maybe this was just going to be his life; a series of mishaps, mistakes, and near catastrophes.

The blandness was threatening to return; its vacancy had been April, and now after tonight he had strained their relationship as if it wasn’t complicated enough. Will was too rude to her date and even though it made him crazy; he had to concede to the idea that Parker was probably touching her right now, that he was inside her, and she loved it, she wanted it. This was what defeat felt like; this was what it meant to give up before you’d even started. Hopefully her night was going better than his.

 

April could taste copper filling her mouth.

Blood.

Parker had a firm grip wrapped around her hair; controlling her head, as he pummeled her with another hit to the face.

The strike dazed her and when she could focus again he was on top of her; tearing at her bra and pushing her dress up. She was screaming louder now, yelling the words,

_"NO! NO! NO!"_

Over and over again. He got control of her arms and moved one of his hands to her sex. When he unbuttoned his pants she thought her heart would explode from shear terror.

She was still fighting, still squirming, kicking, and trying to slide her body from underneath him to get out; get control, but he was too heavy and her head was throbbing.

She would scream; he would put his hand over her mouth, smearing blood over her face and onto his hand, but then he would lose control of her arms.

The situation was coming apart for Parker and making him angrier by the second. His fury mounted to the point of letting her arms go. She thought she’d won so her arms dropped from her upper body and he picked that quick moment of vulnerability to punch her side.

Being attacked by a med student had to be some special kind of hell. He was calculating each move. When he hit her in the ribs he was hoping it would stop her screaming. She could hear the sickening crack of her bones.

 _Ribs_   _eight and nine broken; possible punctured lung._  

When she still wouldn't stop screaming he went for her throat.

Parker’s hazel eyes were afire with rage. As their eyes met April couldn’t believe that this was the last person she would **ever** see. The pressure he applied to her neck consumed her with more dread than she’d ever felt in her life; it road a strange wave, high like a roller coaster as panic over her powerlessness took over. It exploded adrenaline laced fear and horror throughout her.

April had already figured that the beating was inevitable after the first hit, and Parker trying to force himself on her was how this had begun, but she couldn't concede to letting him kill her so easily.

She clawed at his hands but the more she did the tighter his grip became. Her legs thrashed underneath him as her toes twisted and curled at the cut-away of oxygen. Her breathing slowed and a strange acceptance washed over her. The lights were flickering in her eyes as everything slowly closed to a tiny point in her vision.

_Conclusion: possible petechia._

She was losing stamina now; her body was going limp.

This was what defeat felt like; this is what it meant to give up, after you’d given your best.

Suddenly there was a pounding at the door.

"April....dear, are you alright?!"

It was April’s neighbor Clea. She and her husband lived next door and were always good neighbors; as was April to them, so the noise was probably more than disrespectful given the time of night, but more than anything just flat out worrisome.

Parker’s grip on April’s throat eased and soon he was panicking. He got up quickly looking for an exit. The pounding at the door continued and he opened it and knocked the woman out of the way before fleeing down hall.

Air was making its way back into April’s lungs and her heart rate picked up. The feeling of acceptance of her impending death floated away and adrenaline flooded her; as did panic and terror. She turned over coughing up the blood that had filled her mouth. The act of breathing was severe, but April’s body didn’t care about pain, it cared about oxygen and she needed it. Clea stood up and walked into April’s apartment.

“Oh my god,” was the only thing that she could utter.

The order April had worked so hard on in her apartment was back to chaos. Drops of blood sprayed across the back of the couch and all over the sofa table lying on it's side. Candy and mail splayed all over the floor; sprinkled with April's blood. None held a candle to the amount she'd just coughed up.

“Can you please help me up?” April’s voice was hoarse and shaky.

It hurt to speak, it hurt to breathe, it hurt to live right now. Clea flew into her apartment and helped April to her knees. She said that she was going to have her husband call the police but April refused. Everyone on dispatch would hear it and know it was her home. She felt so foolish; all of this just to even some imaginary playing field with Will.

“I still think that you should let me call the police dear,” Clea pleaded.

“No...please don't...but there is something you can help me with,” April requested; her entire body still trembling as she sought rationalization and her medical training for counsel.

Clea nodded and did what April asked. She grabbed April’s first aid kit and followed her instructions. They wrapped gauze and packs of ice around April’s chest. She ground up Tylenol and put it into tea for April to drink; swallowing solids was out of the question. April grabbed a bag of frozen peas and placed it against her face.

Clea helped her into bed. April tried her best to rest but the smallest noises shook her awake; ultimately sending ripples of pain throughout her chest. She would’ve cried but breathing was making any task too hard to emote. Her pain hung inside of her; patient and coiled.

Clea stopped in twice a day to help April; always begging her to go to the police, or at least the hospital. April reassured her that she would speak to a doctor on Monday when she got to work. 

When Monday came around April was scheduled early. She got up; looking in the mirror. She thought about how she would approach the topic of her pain; her wounds. She still felt too ashamed to tell anyone the truth so she tried to talk herself into a story about taking a spill down a flight of stairs. But it felt ludicrous.

So she decided that hiding it would be her best bet. However, her face would make that a particularly hard challenge.The two days of frozen peas and anti-inflammatories had helped, but it was pretty evident something had happened and her neck was bruised with fingerprints marking her assault. She put on a light scarf and broke out the make-up kit. It took care of the bruising but she couldn’t hide the puffiness, she needed a few days for that to go down. Her ribs were trickier; she didn’t have a plan for that, and her voice was a problem too.

She thought about calling in but, she just was already in denial mode so she headed out. When she arrived at work Maggie and Nat were on-call too. She hurried pass them to get to the nurses locker room.

She waited until everyone was out to change into her scrubs. Putting on that scrub shirt was easily the most excruciating thing she had done since the attack, she would’ve cried but that was still not an option and the lack of release was tearing her psyche to shreds. A whimper was all she let out when she finally got the garment over her head and down her torso.

April was so exhausted; it was the cherry on top of this shit sundae she was calling life. She couldn’t sleep; simply because she was too afraid to. Parker knew where she lived and he had all but killed her. She had seen assault victims come through the ED and she never understood why they didn’t report it or seek help and now she understood why; fear. Raw unbridled fear. She would've pissed herself if she saw him again. Pulling her pants up was easier, she fit her badge on and was going to put her hair up but it hurt to raise both arms. It also served her to keep her hair down to hide the swelling on the left side of her face. She was even wearing lipstick to hide the split lip. April looked way more glamorous for a work day than she ever had. This was not the place for it but she had to improvise. She got up and dug deep into her emotional closet searching for her plastic smile and some fake enthusiasm but she had been robbed.

 _"Shit I can’t 'sew.'"_  

She would have to wing it.

“Wow look at you,” Maggie said glancing up at April for a split second before handing her a chart.

“Someone must’ve had a good weekend,” Natalie chimed in.

She was looking at her chart reading the data for an MRI.

April mustered a fake closed smile and shrugged. Smiling hurt. Shrugging hurt. Everything hurt.

“Who had a good weekend?”

Like clockwork there was Will walking up behind her.

A strange feeling came over April; it was rage. She had been so afraid but when Will walked up she just felt angry. She snatched the chart and walked away.

“Oh... April I suppose, all done up, I bet she’s meeting up with that cutie from the other night after work,” Maggie speculated.

Will watched April from across the hospital. She didn’t even say _hi._  He didn’t realize until that moment that he may have fractured their friendship beyond repair. He had to apologize.

April was assisting Dr. Choi on her first case. They had an old man who needed a chest x-ray to confirm his pneumonia; he was a pitiful sight and the beautiful nurse at his side taking his blood pressure was a comfort. The old man reached out to touch April’s arm to ask a question and she flinched. Her heart rate sped up and she counted in her head to bring herself back down; unable to take deep breaths from the debilitating pain that radiated through her torso.

“Is there anything else I can get you,” April’s voice was a raspy whisper and her psyche was quickly unraveling.

“I need to look at his back can you help me get him up,” Dr. Choi asked looking at April quickly and then back to Mr. Roberts.

 _“No,"_  April thought.

She moved to help the man turn but the crushing pain in her lung was too much and her hand slipped. She closed her eyes trying to absorb the pain without whimpering. Dr. Choi stared at her; examining her with his eyes.

"I got him,” he said.

April nodded and rushed to the bathroom she wanted to sob uncontrollably; it was still not an option. She stood in a locked stall with her eyes closed trying to meditate and wipe the last seventy-two hours from her mind. She emerged moments later from the bathroom and Ethan was waiting outside.

“What’s going on April?” Ethan’s face was serious.

His eyes were scanning her face meticulously and critically. April scrunched up her face in a faux confused look. She was watching his eyes and they had stopped at her face he was staring too closely at the left side. She panicked wondering if her make-up was running.

“April, you and I have worked together for years, and I have seen you be nothing but empathetic and strong; physically. You couldn’t even help me lift that man. You look like you're in pain.”

April scoffed and tried to walk away but Ethan grabbed her arm, it wasn’t forceful, but April’s entire body tensed at the touch and she practically jumped back. The movement shot pain through her torso and she whimpered. Ethan’s eyes were confused then remorseful. His bottom lip slipped into his mouth and the two stared at each other. Her eyes communicated fear that she was trying to hide but he was uncovering and reading. She didn’t ask him to read this story she wanted to burn it, but he just kept digging through the pages. He closed his eyes softly and nodded his head down toward the hall. They walked in silence towards an exam room away from the ED. He opened the door and she walked in.

Will hadn’t seen much of April during his shift and when it was time to clock out he hadn’t seen her leave.She was probably seeing Parker after work; or at least that’s what he assumed.

He hadn’t really put two and two together when Dr. Choi had asked him for his brother’s card or if he could call him personally to come to the hospital. When Jay arrived he was vague and couldn’t offer any details as to protect the victim’s confidentiality and identity. None of it made sense though. Will just assumed it had nothing to do with him because the details were thin and the information was shoddy.

Will’s shift was ending and he knew that he needed to stop by April’s to apologize for the way he acted. Normally it wasn’t in his style to just show up without an invitation, but he missed his friend, and confidant and whatever their issues were she was still that to him.He didn't know if she would be there but if she was home, and even if Parker was with her nonetheless, he could at least apologize to both of them.

When the knock on the door came April assumed it was Jay coming back to ask more questions. She didn’t want to talk about it anymore. The fact that the information was out there made her feel even more exposed. The fear that they’d spoken to Parker, but weren’t able to do anything, making him angrier, and then he would come back and finish the job. The thought freaked her out. Her heart pounded again. Fear was becoming all too familiar of a feeling; it was exhausting and paralyzing.

She slowly went to the door and looked through the peep hole. It was Will. The feeling of rage was back; slowly filling her like sand in a bottle. She couldn’t explain it. It was irrational at best and misguided at the worst. She opened the door, but she didn’t let him in; she stood in front of the entrance using her body as a blockade.

“Hey,” Will said sheepishly before his mouth dropped.

April had been lying down; trying her best to get some rest. She'd completely forgot that she'd taken off her make-up. She was so exhausted and the days were running together and these little details were already slipping from her control. The jig was up, Choi had figured it out within an hour anyway so what the hell did it matter if Will knew; soon everyone would know. Seeing Will and igniting that fury made her realize she was just too exhausted to care.

Will’s mouth closed as he tried to form words but nothing came out. He did something next that even surprised him. He went to touch her. He was always avoiding her skin;he didn’t even realize it until he brought his hand up to the swollen side of her face. April recoiled at the gesture crunching a piece of candy under her foot. Will’s eyes followed the sound to the mess on the floor; it was still there. April hadn’t gotten around to cleaning as bending over still hurt. The mess served her though when Jay came to get her statement; it helped him piece together the events.

“What happened to your face? To your apartment?” Will was careful not to yell.

It still wasn’t clear that the case Jay was working on involved her. His heart sunk and he feared the absolute worse of any revelation.

April’s shoulders slumped and the rage she felt that was giving her some kind of energy dissolved. She moved out of the way so he could come into the apartment. Each space now had history. The candy dish knocked over when he first struck her, the lamp on the floor, as she thrashed under him trying to get out. The blood stains dried on her hardwoods. Will’s mouth was agape again and his eyes had the same heartbreak that April used to see when it was about Natalie but this was raw, fresh, and not underneath anything.

“I let him walk me home, he asked to use the restroom, and then he thought we should have sex…I didn’t,” April said in a raspy voice.

That was it. That was the end.The crippling feeling of helplessness drowned Will. He let his training take over because if he hadn’t he’d been screaming about knowing that he didn’t trust that guy; that he should have done something when Parker had insinuated about sleeping with April at Molly’s.

Instead he put what he could together. Her throat was raspy; from screaming, he bent down to look, there were bruises all over it.

_"The motherfucker strangled her."_

Bile and rage filled his throat.

 _"Focus Will. Contusion of the neck causing hematoma._  

He scanned her face.

 _Preorbital hematoma from a punch or strike._  

He noticed the strange way she moved and the odd rise and fall of her chest. He didn’t diagnose it in his head. April looked down and away from his eyes. Having another doctor stare at her the way Choi did felt like it was unveiling parts of her she wish weren't vulnerable or view-able.

“Are they broken?” He asked.

“Eight is bruised and nine is cracked,” April’s replies were a whisper now.

She moved to her couch and sat down.Will noticed for the first time how tired she looked.

“How are you sleeping? I could prescribe something,” the helplessness was escaping into his tone.

April shook her head.

“I try but um…he knows where I live,” April’s voice broke for the first time; still avoiding his eyes.

She couldn’t help it she'd had to relive it so many times today. She couldn’t hold it in it was too physically painful so the tears flowed like a faucet from her eyes. The coil was still tight in her stomach she couldn’t really sob so for the time being the snake sat deep; waiting to strike fully. Will wanted to hold her but he couldn’t; not without hurting her, and she had all but run from him when he touched her. So he offered the next best thing.

“Stay with me, you can get out of your lease if a violent crime has been committed in your apartment or building and I’ve been looking for a roommate... he doesn’t know where I live," Will’s eyes were soft at the sight of his friend in tears.

“I can’t ask that of you Will,” April whispered wiping away the tears still not looking at him.

“Then I’ll sleep in your hall or talk to my brother about police protection, but can you say that you really want to stay _here?”_

His hand waved around the room that was supposed to be a great room but had now been regulated to a crime scene.

April sat on it for a moment and then decided to say yes. Even if it wasn’t permanent getting away from her place for a few weeks and getting some actual sleep would help her heal and she needed that. She wanted to feel safe.She nodded and got up. He helped her pack a few bags and they ordered a ride to his house.

Will put her in his bed and then sat on the couch. When he went in a second later to see if she wanted him to fill a script for some pain medication or sleeping pills she was asleep, she looked peaceful. He stared at her awhile but he didn’t chastise himself for being creepy, because there it was; the feeling that fueled his peppy mornings before their study sessions. The feeling that had gnawed at him the night at Molly’s; he cared for her and it was more than just friendly.

 

 

 

 

 


	6. “I’m fine, You’re fine, We’re all fine”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> April decides to stay at Will's temporarily until she can find a new place. Will calls Jay to find out the details of April's attack and Will vets possible roommates before April's departure. April realizes her feelings for Will.

April didn’t even register the moment when she fell asleep but she welcomed it. Strangely enough her body hurt worse after an eight hour slumber. Not unlike a day after a car wreck everything she was sure wasn’t attacked or injured on her body ached. Will’s place was so quiet and it didn’t harbor any memories or ghosts of what was once a haven now turned hell. The quietness made it easier for him to hear her when she moaned in pain arising from his bed. He got up from the couch quickly and leaped up the stairs taking them two at the time. She was hunched over letting out slow guttural moans and whimpers.

“Hey, hey, hey take it easy,”  Will said suddenly walking slowly to her side.

“I feel worse than I did a few days ago,” April croaked. She was still holding onto the side of the bed in an effort to get up and use the restroom.

“A lot of times the body will release large amounts of dopamine and other chemical responses to mask pain…you’ve been running off of adrenaline for days,” Will said avoiding her eyes.

“I guess I didn’t feel any last night,” April’s voice was practically a whisper again.

She was doing her best to hold back the floodgates. The full force of her emotions still laid coiled deeply inside her unable to strike, they were held back by two injured ribs and April’s will. Her admission made him finally look at her he closed the space between them slowly he didn’t want to send her into a panic again. His hand moved closer to hers, his pinky, then ring finger followed the middle and the pointer moved over hers. April didn’t flinch she welcomed the warmth.

“Please stay longer, if anything to get the rest,” Will’s voice was soft but his pleas were still felt through the invitation.

“You just need the rent money,” April said looking up at him with a smile.

Will laughed and so did April until the scalding pain of her ribs and busted lip broke up her momentary happiness. She hunched down again whimpering. She found it embarrassing. _Was this how it always was going to be?_ April wondered, moments of happiness and then invasions of pain to remind her of Parker.

“Okay let’s get you back into bed,” Will said with a worried urgency he couldn’t contain.

He saw her bruises and watched her stiff movements but this was the first time he had witnessed what it had actually done to her. He couldn’t believe that she showed up to work or stayed home all weekend without medical attention or anyone to help her _. Did she stay at her apartment afterward? How long did he stay for, was it quick, did he……?_ Will was coming to the stark realization that he only saw the outcome. April had come across angry when she disclosed her story and her explanation was very succinct.

“I actually need to use the bathroom,” April said with a relaxed breath and tiny smile she conjured up from thin air.

Will helped her to his restroom. He walked down the hall and grabbed his phone.

“Jay it’s me, I need you to meet me at the coffee shop by my place,” Will said.

It was not a request but a demand. He had to know what happened. He helped April back into bed and called Ethan. April could not go back into work with the injured ribs so Maggie, Ethan and Sharon were finding nurses to cover her shift _and_ Will’s he didn’t want to leave her just yet and especially not at night. Jay had already gotten statements from Maggie and Nat and his partner Detective Lindsey was tracking down Jeff and then Keith. Will used the need for coffee, food, and pain pills as an excuse to leave and meet Jay. He felt determined during his short walk to the coffee shop but as he got closer to the building and saw Jay sitting at the table against the window his own fear of the information his brother had in that folder rushed over him. He walked in and sat down.

“Obviously,I can’t leave this. Shit I shouldn’t even be showing it to you but I know she’s your people so…,” Jay slid the file over and took a sip of his coffee.

Will rested his hand on the top of the brown case file. The red string holding the flap down looked worn like it knew its own contents and the info had prematurely aged it. He looped the string around and opened the file.

 _Ms. Sexton stated she called Mr. Sandavish around 5:30 to invite him out for drinks…._ Will skimmed over it knowing what was next; he’d been there he didn’t need to rehash that.

_Ms. Sexton and Mr. Sandavish walked to her apartment around midnight. Mr. Sandavish requested the use of Ms. Sexton’s bathroom. Ms. Sexton got a glass of water when Mr. Sandavish came up behind her…._

Will’s heart rate accelerated and he didn’t know if he could keep reading, but he had to know the truth, a truth that didn’t involve April having to relive it to satisfy his curiosity and concern.

_…Mr. Sandavish grabbed Ms. Sexton’s buttocks and began kissing her neck. Ms. Sexton asked him to stop and then to leave walking to her door to let him out. Mr. Sandavish grabbed Ms. Sexton by the arm pulling her toward him kissing her face then neck. Ms. Sexton smacked  Mr. Sandavish. Mr. Sandavish hit Ms. Sexton with the back of his hand knocking her down Mr. Sandavish then drug Ms. Sexton by the ankle back towards him climbing on top of her....._

Will could feel the bile rising in his throat so he looked up and away out of the coffee shop window. There was a couple sitting on the bench smiling and kissing, a woman on the phone walking her dog, and two kids chasing after a group of birds. Will envied them. The dichotomy of the horror he was consuming and the beautiful sunny day and happy kids were not lost him. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t finish reading the report. Jay was staring at him avoid the print.

“You care about her don’t you?” he said. It was more of a statement than a question.

Will nodded trying to swallow the acidic taste in the back of his throat. He stole a swig of his brother’s coffee to wash away the taste.

“Have you found him?” Will asked.

“Yeah he was home, he tried to deny it, even tried to claim self-defense but the neighbor heard everything. We booked him yesterday and got a full confession. I stopped by her place to tell her but no one answered,” Jay said pulling his coffee back to his side of the table before taking another sip.

“She’s at my place,” Will said in an almost bashful tone.

Jay smirked. He grabbed the file and twisted the tired red string around it, closing its information, its secrets. He began to slide it over when Will put his hand on top of it.

“Did he um, did he….,” Will couldn’t form the words but his little brother knew what he was asking.

“It’s not exactly something that perps admit to even when we have them dead to rights; hard evidence and all they still claim innocence, she didn’t say it happened so the only conclusion is that it didn’t,” Jay stated matter-of-factly.

“But is that what you think?” Will pressed on still holding his grip on the file.

“Man I don’t know, Lindsey said sometimes it takes years for women to admit what happened to them and your colleague Dr. Choi said she declined a rape kit…honestly we may never know,” Jay’s said somberly.

Will nodded thanked his brother and Jay left. Will sat there thinking awhile he had no idea what she was going through and now he realized he was never going to not completely. He got up bought two coffees and couple of muffins afterward he headed to the drugstore to get her pain pills and then headed back to his place.

April felt a bit loopy, the coffee was helping to wake her up but the pills made her feel heady. Her ribs didn’t hurt as badly and there were no more aches. _Ah the wonders of modern medicine_ she thought with a smile.

……………….

She took a couple of weeks off from work to heal and recuperate all of it at Will’s place. She still didn’t want to be at her apartment. Parker was locked up. He’d taken a plea deal and received seven years because they couldn’t prove attempted murder; a fact that had Will screaming into the phone at Jay one night. It wasn’t ideal but in a city of two million and an assault charge to lock him up she wouldn’t have to see him again, and definitely not at school, they had expelled him when the charges were filed and April received a restraining order. Knowing all of this still hadn’t made it any easier to return to her apartment and with great care and deliberation she decided that she wasn’t going to.

“So I’ve come to a decision,” April said one morning sitting across from Will at his breakfast table.

He put his phone down and gave her his attention. April sat up proud with no pain for the first time in weeks.

“I’m going to move out of my place,” Will’s eyes brightened, “But I can’t move in here Will. I still need a place to stay for a few more weeks until I find a spot of my own so I will pay you rent for next month and part of this month too and because I’m awesome I’ll help you find a roommate... and you can keep your eyes open for a place for me,” April announced with a chipper disposition that Will hadn’t seen in a while.

“Okay,” he replied simply with a smile.

It had been too many weeks since Will had seen that smile and some of that glow that he was now convinced was some sort of celestial stardust; it was reappearing on her skin again. She was slowly becoming April. The swelling on her face had long gone down, and the bruises on her on neck had faded, her lip healed, but her ribs were the last remnant of the monsters touch on her. Weeks prior Will would sometimes hear her cry softly in the shower when she didn’t think anyone was around. April had habit of telling everyone she was “fine” and aside from Dr. Choi no one at work really knew the extent of her injuries besides Will; just that she had been hurt. In those moments when Will heard her he would question his decision not to read the rest of the police report. He knew that so much of what he did for a living was detective work and he probably could’ve put it all together but then his own anger and helplessness would take over and he realized even with the knowledge what could he do with it? April was the one that had to deal with it and she didn’t want to talk about it.

Dealing with it, her injuries, and behaving as if everything was fine had become something that April was getting better at by the day. She would have the occasional breakdown but usually when she was alone with her own thoughts or a twinge of pain would come from her side she’d feel angry and that would eventually lead to tears. But her determination to return normalcy to her life and get her list of freedoms back was motivating her to move forward and push down her emotions. Being at Will’s was helpful to her.

They moved her bed, her dresser the bulk of her clothes from her closet and some cookware she couldn’t do without. Everything else went into a storage unit close to Will’s neighborhood. It was odd at first for Will to see her walking around his house, hearing her getting ready for work, and listening to music. His home had been such a quiet place so it was odd to have it filled with life, color, laughter. For April’s part it was security she needed, but at times a bit awkward. She could no longer walk around how she pleased and seeing him shirtless one morning with more than just a thin pair of pajama pants on had answered more than a few questions for her about Will’s anatomy. She quickly turned the corner in the hall and turned red. Adulthood and even sexual activity did not keep her from curiosity and April couldn’t lie; she was curious.

Their schedules were similar. Will lightened up his double shift monotony because the extra money and split bills eased some of his financial woes. April on the other hand picked up a few more shifts per week to help her save up more money for a new place. Will was sitting on the couch when April came in and sat like a sack of potatoes next to him.

“Rough day?” Will asked, looking up his from his laptop.

“No, just tired,” April said leaning against his shoulder.

“What are you looking at?” She asked.

“Craigslist,” he answered with a hint of indifference.

“Anyone promising?” April questioned.

Will turned the laptop to give her a better view. He was looking at three candidates; the first came over the next morning. His name was David.

 **David:**  Short, squat, brunette boxer from Naperville.

 **Employment:** Warehouse worker for a office supply company.

 **Hobbies:** Sports, MMA cage fights, and bitches.

“Man I have this awesome pool table, we could get rid of this couch, and just set it in the middle of the room here, and I could put my bag on the wall over there, and just fill this place with bitches! Yeah this could work,” David said smiling and nodding his head.

Will closed the door and turned to April who was in the corner trying her best not to laugh. The door latched and she blew out the air she was holding in and started laughing.

“Hell no,” Will laughed.

The next day was Heather aka Willow which is what she wanted to be called but only on the first of each month.

 **Heather:**  Pale skin, dyed black hair with half the side shaved, skinny,medium build, moving from Wrigleyville.

 **Employment:** Massage Therapist and Etsy crafter.

 **Hobbies:** Trolling the Internet, Wiccan Circles, and unending discussions about The Cure.

“This place has a lot of negative energy, I think we should put some of these Chihacobi towers that I had a shaman from Michigan bless over in this corner to really break up the bad vibes in here,” she said scratching her chin, “Yeah we'll definitely have to do that. I’ll call the coven over to do a small incantation around the space, also I’d need to move in as soon as possible but I won’t have rent till the end of next month,” Heather announced with certainty to Will.

“ _Right_ , I’ll let you know,” Will said brow furrowed swinging his front door closed.

He rolled his eyes as April tip-toed down the stairs.

"Is she gone?” April whispered playfully.

Will nodded and chuckled. He really had no idea what he was going to do. He had one more candidate and he was worried that they were going to be a dud before April moved out. She had found a place in Boystown and she was moving in a couple of weeks. April had walked to the kitchen to make popcorn. Will realized how warm his home looked at that moment. April was in the kitchen doing a little dance; something that he had noticed her do whenever she cooked, it was like she would turn on a small radio in her head and go to town. She glowed in those moments of pure joy and elation. Will stood in the doorway leaning against the arch.

“You watching a movie?” he knew she was but he wanted to have a reason for watching her in the kitchen.

“Yeah, Love and Basketball, it’s a classic,” April said in a sing songy way.

Will stayed in the doorway watching from a distance as April sat down and started her movie. Eventually he moved to the couch and sat next to her stealing small handfuls of her popcorn. There was a love scene between the main characters and Will felt uncomfortable, but more than that flat out awkward. He swallowed his feelings down and wondered if April felt the same tense vibe in the air. He glanced over at her and realized that April was asleep against his shoulder. He shut off the television and picked her up. Although she was fairly tall April was petite. He took her to her room and tucked her in bed. She curled up to her pillow. Will sat there and stared at her a minute moving a stray tendril from her face. He shut off the light and walked out.

April opened her eyes and felt her cheek. The cedar and orange zest was still in her room and the emotions were there too. For the first time she realized that he cared for her but more than anything she realized she cared for him too and it was more than friendly.  


	7. You're Flunking Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The pair have been living at Will's place and enjoying each other's company but April's stay is coming to a end and it's time to move on and out. However a night out at the bar sparks jealousy in April and Will leading to an ugly blow-up between them. Can they reconcile before she moves out?

The last candidate was one April found and emailed to Will; his name was Ryan Casten.

 **Ryan Casten:** Tall, lean-build, brunette

 **Employment:** Paralegal and graduate student

 **Hobbies:** Running, video games, and reading

“My last roommate was a year ahead of me in law school so he graduated and took a job in New York. The lease was in his name because his parents got the place for him. I’m probably only going to be here for about two years so if that time frame works for you then I can get first month’s rent and a deposit to you in a week to secure the spot,” Ryan said confidently.

Will could finally relax. He was perfect; smart, but not egotistical and he had a clean appearance which hopefully translated to him keeping a clean home. Will decided this was the guy. Leave it to April to find the right person before she left. It was yet another way she was taking caring of him. April always cooked when they were home on the same nights or she would leave a plate for him in the fridge to heat up when she was gone. He was going to miss their walks to the coffee shop on Sundays for brunch too.

“Can I say that Ryan seems really great and *cough* I found him,” April said with a smug smile.

Will smiled playfully rolling his eyes, “Yeah I think he’s going to work out so yes April…thank you,” Will said stuffing the last of his salad in his mouth.

They washed the dishes and then got ready to go out. April thought it would be a good idea to take Ryan out for a drink to get to know him better and so he could familiar with some key spots in the neighborhood.

They both retreated upstairs to freshen up. Will kept it casual with jeans and a Sox t-shirt. April descended down the stairs in a loose haltered purple dress. The color made her skin sing and Will couldn’t take his eyes off her as hard as he tried.

They walked to a bar fairly close to Will’s place and met Ryan who was already sitting inside enjoying a drink. Every eye was on the goddess in the purple dress. Ryan stood up and waved his hand to let them know where he was. They sat down and ordered drinks and chatted about the neighborhood. The bar had large windows that were kept open in times of good weather but even with the breeze, all the laughter, and drinks had made April hot. She went to pin her curls up that were quickly frizzing; so she excused herself to the restroom.

“I hope you don’t mind me saying but your girlfriend is absolutely stunning,” Ryan commented.

“Oh April and I are just friends; roommates right now, she’s staying in the room you’ll have,” Will said with an apologetic tone, "Another round?” he asked changing the subject.

Ryan nodded and Will strolled up to the bar when a familiar glass shattering giggle came up behind him. It was Casey Kepner.

“Will!” she shrieked throwing her arms around him.

Will was shocked to see her, he had honestly not thought about her since their date. When April emerged from the bathroom Will was at the bar with a woman, she moved past the crowd and realized who it was.

"Really _Will her again?!"_

The woman moved to kiss Will.April looked away she could feel a pit in her stomach that she hadn’t felt in a while; it was a lot like doom wrapped in jealousy. She sat down at the table with Ryan who was sitting with someone who hadn’t been there prior to her absence.

“April this my co-worker Brett, Brett this is April whose room I’ll be taking over when she moves out at the end of the month,” Ryan said.

“Well _hello_ April. I have to say I would not mind occupying your room,” Brett said with a smirk.

He was sleazy, not ugly, but April wouldn’t normally give a guy like this the time of day. Ryan shook his head with a small smile at the horrible pick-up line.

“Yeah?” April responded picking up her beer and downing the rest while looking over at Will smiling at the blonde, “You want to get out of here?” She asked as she slammed the glass down and looked Brett directly in the eye.

He grinned like a Cheshire cat and put his hand out to take hers. April took his hand and Ryan sat wide eyed and shocked at the quick turn of events.

Will walked back over with the two drinks in hand and noticed the empty beer glass and emptier seat.

“Is April not back from the bathroom yet?” Will asked Ryan perplexed.

Ryan smirked with a bit of giggle, “Uh- no man she just took off with Brett my co-worker.”

“-Wait what?!” Will said shocked, “To do what?”

Ryan brought his drink up to his lips but stopped short, “Um probably what grown-ups do after they leave bars,” he said with a shrug and a swig of his beer.

 ..........

He was going much faster than April cared for and at that speed this sad excuse for a sexual connection would be over in minutes; maybe seconds if she was lucky. Her hands gripped the back of his sofa as Brett pounded away at her backside, bent over, and leaning against the back of his couch.They hadn’t even made it down his hall.

“God you’re so fucking hot,” Brett exclaimed through his labored breath gripping the pockets of her hips.

April rolled her eyes in disappointment and regret. It was like a bad porno. She looked across his living room; there was a poster taped haphazardly on the wall of a women in a hot-pink bikini. Most of his furnishings were mismatched and there was a pile of sports gear stacked in the corner. Empty beer bottles and fast food wrappers littered the coffee table. _What are you doing here April?_ She wanted to feel like she was moving on but god there had to be something better than _this_. The almost bottomless groan from Brett arrived in what seemed like seconds later as it was apparent he had finished his lackluster performance. April pushed her purple dress into place and asked to use his bathroom. The living room was disgusting but the bathroom succeeded in surpassing its repulsiveness. She hovered over the toilet wiping away the pathetic genetic material spewed into her. She would’ve looked in the mirror to face herself but it was caked with what she could only assume was weeks worth of splashed saliva and water mixed with toothpaste. She frowned and grabbed her cell out of her purse to order a car. She waited until the car was minutes away before she exited the bathroom.

“That was great huh,” Brett said kissing the top of her head.

“Hmm,” April said through a fake closed smile, “ _So_ I have to go,” she  said and gave him a pat on the back and practically barrel-rolled into the car awaiting her outside.

Will was pacing back forth as the pages of the police report echoed in his head over and over and over again. April’s bruises, her destroyed apartment, he couldn’t stop pacing, worrying, and ultimately feeling jealous. He stopped when he heard the keys at the door; he practically tumbled down the stairs. His furrowed brow let April know that he was upset as he let out an exhausted sigh.

“Hey,” April said slightly perplexed and a little caught off guard seeing him.

She was surprised to see him home, she figured he would've been at the dizzy blondes’ house.

“Uh hey,” Will said in almost a grumble.

“Hey....kind of shocked to see you here,” April said passive aggressively.

“Why's that?” he answered mirroring her tone and barely containing his anger.

April shrugged trying to contain her jealousy.

"Did you and Ryan have good time?" April asked sitting her purse down.

They were dancing around the elephant in the room trying and failing epically to hold their cool demeanor. Will snapped first but he didn’t raise his voice.

“Oh you mean _after_ you left?" Will practically hissed, "With that guy you just met,” he scoffed, “Jesus April," Will said shaking his head with a condescending grin, “You have got to get some better judgment.”

“My judgment is fine,” April hissed back.

“Oh _yeah_ you _really_ know how to pick em,’" Will scoffed shaking his head.

“I think I ' _p_ _ick em_ ' just fine,” April answered back matching his tone.

“ _Really_? How do your _ribs_ feel these days April?” Will hissed.

If he could have caught it before it flew out of his mouth he would’ve. The regret set in immediately. He wanted to hurt her but not like that.

That snake coiled deep inside of April was rudely awakened. The very one that she had thought was long gone had uncoiled and then mushroomed up and out like an atomic bomb.

 _“Really!?”_ April said shocked and threatened by his words, “Wow Will!” she could barely see straight her entire body shook.

“I’m sorry forget it,” Will said closing his eyes absorbing his anger and trying his best to reconcile the horror he just let slip out of his mouth.

“Yeah you’re good at that Will,” April seethed as she started walking by him to go upstairs.

He scoffed, “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

The snake was hissing rattling its tail and now the fangs were out.

“You almost kissed me Will, **_we_** almost kissed at my apartment but you ran! You ran, and then you brought a date, a _fucking_ date to _my_ celebration, because you were trying to forget it ever happened,” April yelled at him.

“Like you weren’t, like you really wanted me? You’d been whining about Connor for weeks! How was I supposed to know you didn’t just need _whatever_ it is you need?!” he said yelling back at her and waving his hand at her;obviously alluding to her earlier hook-up.

His judgment angered her but what hurt worse was the connection she thought they had, the friendship, he had been the one to ask about her and Connor but here he was making her feel stupid, like some dumb promiscuous teenager with a crush.

“And _you_ weren't confusing me talking about Natalie all the time?! I was actually  ** _with_** Connor! Not just pining on the sidelines! At least he wanted me!”

She could see the hurt in WiIl’s face as she hurled the painful words back at him but she didn’t care he’d crossed a line.

“Not that it matters but I would’ve kissed you back, you should’ve been my date that night, you should’ve asked me, then maybe I wouldn’t have asked Parker…,” her voice broke at his name and the snake disappeared, “You’re a coward Will,” April said before she turned away.

She didn’t want him to see her cry as she walked up the stairs.The blood ran from Will’s face and his heart sunk into his stomach, the weight of the world was not upon him because the weight of the universe was there instead. It wracked him with guilt as he let his jealousy allow him to act out. This is how he lost Natalie, he bullied her until she couldn’t feel comfortable with the idea of them and now he was doing it to April. Punishing her for his own insecurity and inability to own up and proclaim his feelings. He plopped on the couch and put his hands into hair.

April kept her hand over her mouth to keep as quiet as humanly possible in the shower; her tears mixed with the heat of the water. She had to get Brett off of her and the rest of the events of the evening too.

She tiptoed to her room and curled up on the bed. She felt stupid. There had to be something to this carefree womanhood that she was missing. At every turn the men she had invited in were disappointing her; Parker colossally, Brett sexually, and Will emotionally. She had just let him know that she wanted him and he just stood there not agreeing but making excuses hoping it mirrored his own. To her this could only mean he thought their near kiss was a mistake, a fluke, an act of loneliness.

There it was the answer to his mantra; yes they were friends, but she wanted to kiss him. She’d wanted it to move past the stunted stage they had come to that last study session at her apartment. Will was trying to grapple with that conclusion and the one that implicated him in her attack. He read in her police report that she had called Parker not twenty minutes after seeing him and hearing he was bringing a date. The realization made his stomach twist and even though it was irrational to think that he had something to do with April’s assault he couldn’t help but wonder how differently the night would’ve turned out if he would’ve just called her or stayed a bit longer at her apartment that last study session and explored what was happening between them.

“ _I am a coward_.”


	8. Make-ups and Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fight seems to have fractured this friendship beyond repair but things are going to get more intense when their confessions add more weight to the gravity of the situation and give them more to contemplate about any sort of possibilities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is pure indulgent angst. I'm sorry to the 3 people reading this.

April didn’t work the next day. She stayed in bed curled up thinking about everything that had happened in her life over the course of the past year. Maybe she did have awful judgment when it came to men. But Brett and Parker were reactive; they were April trying to hide her rejection from Will. She had once joked that the only way to get over someone was to get under someone else. At the time she was talking about Connor but somehow it had become about Will. She looked over at her cell phone. It was ten am and she needed to take her birth control. After losing the baby April didn’t trust the rhythm method anymore it went with her strict Catholic upbringing that she was trying her hardest to shed. She could’ve just swallowed the little pill but she wanted a glass of water and maybe a cup of coffee. She didn’t have much of an appetite her blow up with Will had left her stomach in knots. She got up and walked downstairs to the living room. She thought she heard him get up and she assumed he left but he was on the couch still in his pajamas too staring at a glass of water. April walked past him to the kitchen her heart pounded at being in the same vicinity; making her presence immediately tense. She turned the faucet on filling her small glass and rushed the pill to the back of throat. She stood there a moment looking out the window. April grabbed the filters and started brewing a pot of coffee.

The smell brought Will to the archway of the kitchen and the living room. There she was standing in the kitchen with all her splendor still glowing but not dancing, Will had turned off her little radio or at least he was afraid he did.

“I’m sorry,” Will said breaking the silence.

The words hung in the air and then slammed against the emotional wall she spent most of the night building. When she turned around he could see how puffy her eyes were. He had done that. He had made her cry herself to sleep even though he had brought her here to protect her, make sure she felt safe. He stepped into the kitchen.

“I have been scared to death and worried about you since the day that I saw you, beaten up, but that's not an excuse for what I said. It was a horrible thing to say to you; to make you feel that way. None of what happened to you was your fault April.”

Will never broke eye contact with her and neither she. The wall was still there; she never thought anyone could hurt her like that, even Connor who had broken her heart didn’t do so intentionally.

“You know... when Parker was on top of me... tearing me to pieces I thought that that was the worse it was going to get,” April said still not breaking eye contact or crying, her reserve had turned to steel, “I could hear your voice in my head going over diagnosis'...I know, stupid right?… and then when he began strangling me,” she said bringing her hand to her neck, “and I was beginning to lose consciousness I thought this isn’t so bad, you know dying, it won’t be so bad because nothing was as horrible as those moments before.”

She was still holding it together; she had never spoken about that night to anyone; not like this. Will never wavered either he stayed locked in eye contact with her, his heart racing and breaking at her words and realizing the weight of them and how insensitive and callous his comments had been.

“I saw my mother, my father, my brother……and I saw you. I had to try and imagine something else because I couldn’t let Parker’s face be the last thing in this world that I saw. I know that you didn’t realize that or know that I felt anything for you but in that moment it helped bring me peace when I thought everything was over.”

Will was still looking at her but his eyes had filled with tears and he was holding his breath.

 “Last night with one word, instead of being my grace, you delivered me back into hell. I feel torn apart again and you've disappeared..now all I see is him.”

Her eyes fell to the ground breaking their eye contact, their connection. She walked away out of the kitchen and went back up to her room.

She stayed in her room until she felt dizzy and had to come down to eat. It was strange getting some of it off her chest; it had actually made April feel lighter, freer for the first time in a long time but also conflicted and traumatized. Will was still downstairs he was dressed now but still looking as depressed as he had before. Her admission confirmed the worst thoughts in his head and his guilt was eating him up over his comments. Sorry wasn’t good enough but he could be truthful.

April headed into the kitchen to grab some fruit and toast; her groceries were running low because she didn’t want to buy too much stuff before she left. She made the small snack and sat at the table. Will walked in as she was eating and sat at the table. He stared at her a bit, the puffiness had faded and she was sitting there beautiful and amazing.

“I can’t take back what I said but I can tell you why I said it,” Will started.

April stopped chewing on her toast to listen.

“I was worried when you left with that guy last night, but more than anything... I was jealous,” Will admitted.

“But didn’t you leave with Kimmy-," April started.

“-Casey and ugh no, she was trying, but I just wanted to get back to our table and hang out with you,” Will said.

April nodded feeling even dumber for having sex with Brett.

“I’m sorry for laying all that on you like that. I’ve needed to talk about it for a while, but you don’t need to carry that kind of burden,” April said sighing.

“You’re my best friend April; you should be able to tell me anything. I'll carry any burden with you. I'm sorry if after last night I made you feel like you won't be able to anymore.”

Will seemed nervous like he was holding onto his last chip at the casino.

“Like I said I was jealous, I still am when I think about another man touching you because I think about you...... a lot.... and not in a way that friends think of each other,” he said; his eyes soft vulnerable and slightly fearful.

He said it with hesitation. He knew that if he had told her the truth earlier he wouldn’t have to wonder if she was done with him for good. _This is what defeat feels like, to have lost before you’ve even started._

“I should’ve stayed that night at your apartment, I should’ve kissed you, I wanted to…..and I still do.”

Will extended his hand to her face cupping her cheek before slowly bringing his hand down allowing his thumb to linger, caressing her bottom lip, and finally her chin before he let go. An electricity sparked in April burning up the numbness that had tried to take over inside her.

Then he got up. As much as it seemed like it was a good time to kiss her the confessions of the day had been too heavy and he needed to let April decide if he was someone still worthy of her grace.


	9. The Storm Inside of Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is not for kids. If you're a 90's kid and can remember Romeo and Juliet played by Leo Dicaprio and Claire Danes then you might remember the awesome soundtrack, the song "I'm Kissing You" by Des'ree should totally be played during a certain section....also for any Florence and The Machine Fans there is almost a direct lyric taken from the song "Blinding".

April and Will weren’t awkward or uncomfortable; they were exhausted. They avoided each other but not out of hate, spite, or anxiety but because neither knew what to do with the information the other had given. It should’ve been a revelation and they should’ve been running into each other’s arms but they were just sitting with their knowledge trying to figure out the next best steps to keep at minimum their friendship and working relationships intact.

The days were flying by and April’s last night at the house was approaching. She didn’t have much to pack because it was already done and sitting in storage ready for her new place in Boys town. April got off work early to make the appointment with the movers and to do a final walk through of her apartment. She wrote a check for the first months’ rent and then headed back to Wills’.

Will was arriving home and noticed the menacing clouds that seemed to come out of nowhere. It was summer and most of the rain had come and gone in the spring but this looked like it was developing into a horrible storm. The grey clouds were turning almost black and moving quickly. He hoped that even if it got violent it would be quick but more importantly he hoped April had made it home before the storm closed in. Almost as if his prayers had been answered she was home and cooking in the kitchen. April hadn’t cooked in about week they had been going out separately or ordering in and retreating to different parts of the house to eat. The entire energy of their friendship was through the roof after Will admitted his feelings. Electricity could’ve been conducted through it. April felt it and so did he. Will touching her face and grazing her lips with his fingers had been so visceral for them. He popped his head in the kitchen. She was dancing a bit and Will grinned. If anything could be salvaged it had to be her spirit.

April could feel him there, she always could feel him there to be quite honest which is why it hurt so much to have him deny or avoid his feelings for her for so long. She questioned her own thoughts because he denied his at every turn but knowing this was one of the last nights in the house she was ready to move them back into their friendship and move on. She turned and smiled before saying,

“Hungry?”

Will nodded and sat at the small dining table in his kitchen she put the plates between them and sat down. Afterward they did the dishes and grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge and turned on a movie. Will didn’t watch much TV so he didn't see the point of having cable so April had brought her favorite movies. They ended up watching Mission Impossible because she loved spy films. Will was enjoying the familiarity of the routine even though neither of them said much at dinner or throughout the movie, but he could feel the tension, and the fact that neither hid their attraction but also didn’t pursue it. It was odd like a game of Russian roulette but neither gun was loaded. April yawned and the contagion passed to Will so she headed up to her bed and curled up.

Will followed suit and fell asleep fairly quickly until the crack of thunder sounded like it had hit the ground next to his building abruptly waking him up. He sat up in his bed; his chest pounding from the noise. He went to turn on his light repeating the motion twice until he realized the power was out. He got out of bed and went downstairs to try the breaker, it wouldn’t work either. Will sighed in frustration and then looked to his cell phone. An alert of a brown-out in multiple neighborhoods flashed across the screen, _“Great”._ He grabbed a flashlight from under the kitchen sink and walked upstairs. He could hear footsteps in April’s room so he knocked on the door. She was up sitting on her bed with two tiny tea light candles lit.

“Hey, um obviously the power is out but it looks like they should have it back up in a bit.”

“Yeah I got the alert from my phone,” April replied politely.

She was sitting in a thin short nightgown barely concealing the warm skin underneath it that even in the dark still glowed against the candlelight. Will sat longer in the doorway than he should've before heading to his bedroom.

A light tap on his door made him turn as he was getting ready to lie back down. It was April with the two tea light candles.

“I thought maybe you’d want some softer light aside from that harsh flashlight.”

Just then a crack of lightning followed by the rumblings of thunder vibrated through the building.

“Woah! God this storm," she said sighing, "It's probably done a ton of damage,” April commented.

 “If so, hopefully it can be repaired,” he said.

Another loud crack lit up his room and he watched the fear in April’s eyes as she jumped. The sudden light had flooded his room and April could see Will in his bed shirtless. His body firm against his soft comforter; it looked cozy and safe. April placed the candles atop his dresser.

“I’ll let you get back to sleep,” April said.

She began to turn and leave but Will stopped her.

“Stay, please…I’ve never been able to sleep through a storm and you don’t look like you can either.”

April shrugged knowing there was truth in his words. He pulled the blanket back on the opposite side of the bed and patted the mattress. April came over and slid next to him. They lay there quiet but both awake although not a single body part touched they could feel the energy between them. The intensity was building in the silence and crescendoed to a height that was marked only by another deafening crack of thunder and lightning. April flinched and Will jumped a bit ruffling the untouched, untapped, energy between them. April nuzzled her head on his shoulder in the same familiar spot she normally did when they sat many nights on his sofa.

“Are you asleep?” April whispered.

“No,” Will answered quietly.

“When my brother and I couldn’t sleep we would always play games.”

“I don’t think I want to play games,” Will said in a playful tone.

“Sometimes we would make up stories and tell the biggest lies to each other and make the other person guess what the lie was,” April said.

Her fingers were twisting around her curls brushing lightly over Will’s shoulder and the small touch made his skin feel like it was on fire.

"I don’t think I want to lie anymore,” Will said in much more serious tone.

The statement's real meaning was not lost on April as it carried over to her side of the bed. He turned his body all the way over to face her. He brought his hand up to her chin pulling it over to face him. His breath was labored, nervous, and hers was identical to his. He let his hand run down her neck to her nightgown as he tugged at the fastened tie holding the top of it together. Her breath was was spotty so he stopped closing his hand to a loose fist.

“I want to kiss you.”

“Then kiss me Will,” April said shakily.

Will sat up and April did too following his body like a mirror. He took his hands and slowly ran them up her long neck letting his fingertips softly graze the rings on her throat until they were at her chin. He traced her face in an outline slowly making his way to her nose and then around her lips. He had always wanted to touch her face like this; to feel the magic, the glow. April glided her fingers up his arms as he traced her face resting and curling them around  his wrists. When he got to her lips she licked them catching the tip of his finger in her mouth. The heat was enough to send a sensation through him. He leaned in closer his breath still conveying his nervousness but also his excitement and his anticipation. His lips skimmed hers planting tiny uneven kisses on her top and bottom lip finally pushing both his lips onto hers. The softness of her skin, her face, and her lips were unrivaled to anything he’d ever touched. Slowly they worked their tongues into the other’s mouth; massaging them deliberately and almost achingly slow. The thunder struck again but instead of startling them they held onto each other tighter; deepening their kiss. The momentum building between them was almost too big to hold onto. Will pulled away first opening his eyes to stare at the beautiful woman in his bed; his hands still cradling her face…

“I want to touch you.”

“Then touch me Will,” April whispered.

Finishing what he had started she undid the rest of the tie holding her nightgown up. The straps slipped down over her shoulders and then down her torso revealing her breasts and what seemed like an infinity of glowing skin. Will pulled her to him so he could feel her breasts against his bare chest. Their kisses were still deep, slow, and deliberate. She pushed the rest of the nightgown down and away. She leaned down on her side and guided them both to lie back down. Will ran his hand down her breasts and over her stomach slowly to feel the smoothness of her skin until he got to her sex; hoping to arouse her only to find that she was already wet, and incredibly so. She pulled down the paper thin pajama pants that she saw him wear that day in the hall finally exposing her curiosity behind them. Skimming over it with her hands as if she wanted to make sure it was real she slid her fingers down the shaft eventually, she tried to wrap her hand around it, but couldn’t to her pleasant but also anxious surprise. He moved on top of her centering himself; finding her wetness in the dark. His mouth was now on her neck, that beautiful neck he was always admiring, running soft kisses down it. April could feel the thickness of Will struggling to drive into her. He slid both arms under her locking his hands to her shoulders and he used the leverage to finally press himself all the way inside her. The thunder cracked again; lightning lit up the room, April and Will gasped at the feeling of their first connection. They stopped kissing to look at each other in the sudden light. The culmination of stolen looks and wonder had led to this. Will didn't move as he kept eye contact with April securing that she felt okay. She smiled at him and he smiled back; joy was propelling them now. She pulled his neck down to embrace him into a kiss. His thrusts were hard, intense, deep, and fierce but not fast almost agonizingly slow. Their breaths continued in twin pace.

“Mmmm,” was all Will could let out in between grunts as he bit down on his bottom lip to keep from screaming in her ear. His pleasure spiraled through his stomach and ran through his back and down to his toes and into his arms and fingertips. Will couldn’t handle the slow pace anymore he got off the bed and pulled April into him by the waist allowing her long legs to wrap around him. He kept his hands on her waist guiding her body into his, his strokes were still deep, but he was in a carnal fever now going faster. April gripped the sheets on either side of her; her body still surprised by the size and stroke of each thrust Will had to offer and now he was racing to the finish line. She tightened her hold around his waist with her legs as she had long felt amass of vigor inside her building; ready to spill over. She rolled her eyes in the back of her head before saying,

“God que se siente tan bien."

Will had no idea what she said but he understood the need in it. Their bodies pounded faster and faster against another; sliding Will's bed until they both came.

“GODDAMN,” he growled loudly; bursting inside of her.

“JESUS,” April cried out as pure ecstasy and electricity radiated and tingled outward; shaking her through her skull, her spine, and down through her ribs.

The thunder cracked again muting their guttural screams against the storm Will fell against her shaking in his own right as they both caught their breaths still in unison.

No one said a word as they slowly moved under the covers; almost as if anything that could be said had been said between them physically. April laid there listening to Will's breath as it slowly moved out of sync with hers. It took a moment for her to realize he was asleep. She looked to the floor and found her nightgown and tip-toed back to her room.

............

Will slept like the dead that night. When he woke up his clock radio was flashing and his lamp was on but the spot next to him was empty. He got out of bed and grabbed a pair of jeans. He was walking out of the bathroom when he heard the sound of pounding on the front door. He went downstairs and there was a man at the door.

“Is this the residence of April Sexton?”

“Uh yeah, who are you?” Will asked his brow furrowed in confusion.

“Quality Movers," the man said pointing to the logo on his shirt, "We have an appointment to move an April Sexton’s stuff from this location,” The man answered with a sure smile.

Will nodded and opened the door to let him and two other men that were standing behind him in. He went up the stairs to April’s room where the door was closed. He knocked on it before opening it. April was gone. The bed was stripped and all or her dresser drawers were pulled opened exposing their emptiness. The men moved past Will and began taking the bed apart. Will sat on his couch watching as they took pieces of April’s furniture to their truck. It was like watching pieces of him disappear slowly; until the last piece was gone. Will nodded a “goodbye” the man’s direction and the door closed.

He continued sitting there thinking about last night and wondering if he had done something wrong. He felt like it was perfect; intense, but everything he'd wanted in a single moment. Everything he thought he wanted with Natalie. Insecurity began filling him as he wondered if April felt like she had made a mistake. _Why didn’t she say goodbye?_ Their last few weeks had been anything but normal and the peculiarity of the events leading to last night didn’t make the situation any clearer. So Will sat there wondering _what was next?_.


	10. Blush Ambrosia and Bashful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> April fled Will's after they had sex without a word but why? It's time to find out and to see where it's all going but someone from April's past comes back into the picture to further complicate things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I am an angst junky. I said that I would not get too dark again I think I promised but I let this story kind of grow legs and run away from me so.....I'm probably going to need to change the tags for the 3 people reading it cause chapter 11 is going to get intense.

April snuck down the hall hoping not to wake Will in the process. She curled up into her own bed and set an alarm. She couldn’t deny that the experience was amazing. Physically it was more than what she expected; the connection and the emotion was there, heighten by the last few days and even months if she were brutally honest with herself. But the light had begun to fade in the afterglow. At some point lying there listening to Will's breathing and then listening to her own, she realized she was having a panic attack, and it had ripped open scars inside her that were just barely healing. She couldn’t forget. She needed time to think without him around; time to deal with her emotions without his presence clouding her judgment.

At the crack of dawn she stuffed her bags and filled them with clothes and jewelry from her dresser and loaded up her car with everything she could fit. It was like a heist but with her own things. Will was still asleep and she knew the movers would be there in a few hours. Immediately after boarding the elevator up to her new place she felt a pang of guilt. She had just left without saying goodbye and the last thing that she and Will needed was more confusion in their situation. She knew she would’ve felt used if she woke up alone and essentially abandoned after the night they shared. She decided she would talk to him face to face tomorrow, it wasn’t ideal because it’d be at work but she was not going to send what needed to be said via text or over the phone. He deserved more than that and she needed to see his face to do it.

After the movers arrived and helped her place the larger pieces of furniture around her new place April unpacked part of her bathroom and half of her bedroom before collapsing on her bed from exhaustion. In the morning she got up; showered,did her make-up, and rushed out of the door to make it to work on time.

The hastiness of her exit did not match the ED, it was quiet, calm, and collected. Rosa and Abigail were at the main check-in when April arrived to see her first case. She was assisting Choi again.

Their relationship had been unpaired at best he hadn’t forced her to tell him about her assault he just knew, maybe it was the naval culture, and the warning signs from his experiences there, but he knew all the same. He had been very understanding but he had pushed her to at least call the police or he _“was going to find the guy himself."_ The sentiment was protective which resided with her but it was also like going from zero to a hundred; from a strong acquaintance to an instant friendship. But they were friendly; not friends, and the knowledge he had made her feel exposed; almost blackmailed even though it was not in his character to do so. The irony came when she slid the door over on the exam room. The same old man with pneumonia was back but this time with signs of heart palpitations with chest pain and shortness of breath and to top it off his pneumonia had returned.

“We should probably get an EKG. I’ll page Dr. Rhodes to get a consult on where we should move next with your treatment,” Ethan said confidently but sympathetically.

The poor old guy couldn’t catch a break.

April hadn’t seen much of Connor since she moved to nights and even less than she thought she would when she moved back to days. This was the first case that she was on with him. She was actually a little nervous. April began taking a new set of vitals in preparation for an intravenous treatment of steroids to help his lungs and the stress on his heart from poor respiration.

Will was at the main nurses’ desk putting an order through with Rosa. He had been in complete confusion and dejection about April and her abrupt departure after their night together. He kept wracking his brain wondering if he did something wrong, or if he hurt her, or if he rushed things. The only thing that he was positive he didn't understand was what she said in Spanish.

“Rosa do you know any Spanish?” He asked pondering the events of the night before.

“It’s my first language Dr. Halstead,” Rosa said giving him a look that read of condescension.

He leaned a bit closer, “What does se siente tan bien mean?” Will asked in all but a loud whisper.

“It feels good or you feel good depending on what you’re doing,” Connor answered unexpectedly.

Rosa blushed a bit at the translation and went back to typing the order. Will nodded unable to make eye contact with Connor.  He turned and his face bloomed a shade of pink that he tried to hide but he couldn’t help but smile however it dissolved into more confusion as he went along to help his patient. 

 After Connor looked up the case on the computer he headed over to assist Dr. Choi. The man was rubbing his chest again to massage the pain within it.

“Well the echo revealed that there is more than the normal amount fluid around your heart,” Dr. Choi stated with Connor at his side.

April moved over to the man to help him sit forward to alleviate some of the pain in his chest. The action made the soreness in her thighs sing.

Last night had been intense but not just emotionally it was physical too. April’s body was a bit sore, mostly on her uppers thighs, and the immense anatomy that was attached to Will was not lost on her chafed nether regions either. She used one hand to keep the man up; when he seemed okay to sit up by himself, she lightly massaged her thigh.

“Thank you April,” Ethan said, watching her move the man, “Sitting up can ease some of the pain but I’ve called Dr. Rhodes down to advise on the next step we need to take for your heart,” Ethan said with a smile.

“Because of the amount of fluid in your chest I’m recommending pericardiocentesis it's a procedure where a cardiologist inserts a needle into your chest and drains the excess fluid. It’s not risky; it’s actually very routine, but because of your age and recurring pneumonia I would like to admit you,” Connor explained.

“I’ll put the order in,” April said avoiding looking at Connor and instead at Ethan.

She walked up to the computer center at the main desk and began typing. Will came over a moment later to see if the order Rosa put through for him was ready with the results. Immediately a wave of anxious energy hit April as they caught each other’s eyes.

“Hey,” April said sheepishly. She was still a little ashamed at her exit from his house.

“Hey,” Will said almost equally as sheepish but there was an impatience laced in it.

“Can we have lunch together at break?” April asked with a bit more confidence she than felt.

Almost as if the tension fell to the ground in pieces Will smiled and said,

“Yeah.”

He went back to his patient but on his walk the anxiety of April potentially admitting that last night was a mistake hit him and filled him with melancholy.

The clock seemed like it sped by. Will walked down to the cafeteria and grabbed a tray. April was already there picking around at a fruit salad. He sat down next to her getting himself settled and prepared for the worst. There was an ache on his sides that he hadn’t registered until now.

“Hello,” he said looking at her from the side of his eye while opening his yogurt.

April stopped fiddling with her food and took a deep breath and put that same sheepish smile on her face.

“I’m sorry I left without saying goodbye,” April divulged looking Will in the face, but he was looking at his tray swirling his spoon in his yogurt cup.

“Yeah,” Will said nodding his head.

April opened her mouth to continue but then Dr. Choi approached the table and asked if he could join them. Will’s anxiety was overcome but only by irritation. He didn’t have a problem with Ethan but damn did he want to know what she was thinking about and why she had left so quickly and quietly.

“Hey guys,” Ethan said with a smile.

He looked over to Will who leaned back in his chair and massaged his sides with a piqued mouthed smile.

“Sore?” Ethan asked putting a green bean in his mouth.

“Uh, yeah I guess so,” Will admitted as the feeling dawned on him.

Ethan looked over to April who was massaging her thigh as she lifted it to cross her legs.

“You guys do a lot of moving yesterday?” Ethan asked.

April coughed practically choking on her water; Will looked over to the other table avoiding Ethan’s eyes and trying not to turn red.

“What?” April asked with a confused look wiping the water from her mouth.

“Weren’t you moving to a new place yesterday?” Ethan asked equally as confused.

“Oh yeah, yeah I hired movers,” April said with a smile.

"Did you help Will?" Ethan asked casually.

Will shook his head no reliving April's abandonment. She was way too jumpy at the question and felt the same interrogative eyes from Choi that she felt the day he found out about her attack. She stabbed at her food and brought a strawberry into her mouth. Ethan looked to her and then to Will both looking strangely uncomfortable and away from each other. He looked at Will’s side then thought to April massaging her thighs. He smiled before saying,

“You know, I actually need to check on Mr. Roberts,” he got up shaking his head with a dry laugh. 

“I should probably go too that’s my case, it’s a good learning experience,” April said escaping the moment.

Will sat frustrated trying to figure out what in the world she was going to say before Ethan showed up, but at least he knew she was sorry for leaving, but maybe she didn’t want to move forward. If that was the case it would be hard to go back to friendship or anything else that didn’t involve being able to touch her the way he had. In fact the idea of never touching April or repeating last night was a thought that Will wanted nothing to do with it.

When April got back to Mr. Roberts she began closing out his room to send him upstairs for admittance. Connor was coming around the corner to check on the orders but really he wanted to talk to April; it hadn’t gone unnoticed that she didn’t look at him because he was looking at her.

“Hey is Mr. Roberts ready to go up?” Connor asked feigning curiosity.  

“Yeah he went up a few moments ago,” April answered politely but this time she was actually looking at Connor.

Those blue-grey eyes were peering through her again making her feel uncovered but they had lost some of the pull they once had it made her feel like a little girl watching the last sparkle of a firework fading out in the sky.

“I just moved and I realized that I still have some of your clothing, and a watch that you left. I kept meaning to bring them to you but I don’t see you very often, you should come by the house sometime or I could bring your things to the hospital or have them sent-," April rambled.

“-I’ll stop by,” Connor said smiling and cutting off her ramblings.

She texted him her address and he walked upstairs to prep his procedure. He had hoped they would stay friends but her night shift change had made it hard for them to establish that relationship, if he was being completely honest he would’ve like them to be more than that. He had started a few relationships that went nowhere mostly because whenever he got sight of her his feelings would come flooding back. He didn’t want to stay away and couldn’t. When he found out she had been attacked he rushed over to her place only to have her neighbor say she’d been staying with a friend and would be moving out soon. But with it being the middle of summer maybe they could reconnect; maybe they could establish a friendship, maybe more.

April hadn’t had a chance to further her conversation with Will after they were interrupted at lunch. Ethan’s intrusion was somehow a pleasant disruption because she hadn’t really pinpointed how she was feeling and the little she said to him was as much as she had figured out. Having sex with Will wasn’t a problem per se but what she felt afterward scared her. The same intense experience was reflected in the night she was assaulted; it was the other side of the coin. The emotions were like two oceans that weren’t supposed to merge but they had and they were drowning her. What happened between her and Will should’ve been immense enough to maybe overtake her feelings of her trauma and they did in that moment but the idea that sex could do that, negate another physical act either positive or negative, was naïve. Which meant it wasn’t the act but something else that was not a part of the summer of insouciance she had desired. It was hate and it was love. She needed to separate the feelings again.

Will couldn’t help not knowing, he headed over to her place because he had to know, he had to understand and more than anything he wanted to be with her. This would be the second time he had visited her without an invitation. Last time he had gotten the truth from her and he hoped this visit would produce similar results.

Connor found a blue shirt to put on that he knew April liked on him. He put on a watch and new cologne. He had hoped a little old and a little new would intrigue her and maybe refresh her not only to a friendship but possibly trying to rekindle their relationship. He headed out and walked to her place.

April was putting away the last of her flatware when the knock came. She knew she wasn’t expecting anyone so the arrival of guests befuddled her. When she answered he was standing there with an intensity in his eyes.

“We need to talk.”


	11. The Whole Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will still doesn't know why April left or what she is thinking about in relation to them so he goes to her new place to get some answers and way more is revealed to him then he bargained for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is probably one of the most fucked-up trash chapters I have ever written so by all means please stop reading this if sexual violence is triggering for you.

Will’s eyes were determined and a bit frantic. April opened the door to let him in and immediately Will began talking.

“Listen, I don’t know what I did wrong. I thought that it was what you wanted but if it wasn’t I understand,” Will’s voice was delicate but hurried, “But I think that what happened between us was the first real experience I've had in a long time and I think that it was for you too."

Will’s words were tumbling out of his mouth with an urgency that could only be explained by the interruption earlier at the subject.

April walked over to her sofa and sat down she looked up at him; her eyes full of kindness and vulnerability.

“No that’s not it. I wanted it to happen. You didn’t do anything wrong Will,” her eyes fell again; away from him.

“Then why did you leave and without saying goodbye?” Will asked walking towards her.

Will plopped down on the couch next to her. He exhaled a large amount of air that it seemed like he’d been holding since he arrived. Immediately April could feel the connection to him and it overwhelmed her.

“I’m scared Will,” she admitted.

The apprehension was stacking inside her. She had to move out of the field of electricity between them; it was complicating her emotions and dimming her clarity. She stood up.

“Why?” he asked confused but curious at her admission.

“I think I had a panic attack,” April admitted, “I've never felt that consumed by anyone…once before… not the same, but similar…not since…um...,” April’s eyes were lost again and panic flashed across them and her hands shook.

“I think I didn’t realize it...or maybe I didn't want to…,” April’s body shook.

Her words were fragmented much like she was putting a puzzle together with her thoughts.

Will hadn’t broken his gaze on her but the burden of her words was beginning to connect in a cataclysmic doom that he had tried to push away for months or replace with all of his avoidance and anger at the truth. His heart sank even before he uttered the words. He closed his eyes and they fell to the ground.

“Since Parker,” Will said coldly at the name.

He didn’t want to bring _him_ into her new place, but here he was again inside these very walls haunting them. She nodded as the realization was starting to enter her eyes.

“He raped you... didn’t he,” Will said regretfully.

His words were like a block of ice on April’s chest.She stared at him as the calamity of feelings she had swirled and exploded in her eyes and she couldn’t breathe.

“Why would you ask me that?" She questioned him, as her voice quivered.

April began pacing trying to catch her breath, her heart like a humming bird. He’d wanted this place to be new for her, but they created the twin to her pain and the two were now being woven together in an inseparable juxtaposition.

“No,” April said; her face not matching her words.

“April,” Will answered; his voice still and soft, but pleading as he stood up.

“No,” April’s inflection was now hollow.

“April,” Will begged; sadness filling his dark eyes.

He moved closer to her. The field of electricity pulling them in; creating within it no escape from veracity. Her eyes wanted to escape the pull but she couldn’t; not with him. The last of her wall crumbled.

“Yes,” she whispered without any ability to cloak her response with distortion.

It was the first time she ever admitted it and she hadn’t even been the one to say it; he did. She hated the idea that their evening together, a night that accumulated in his feelings for her and hers for him, had been looted by Parker.

“I think I’d begun lying to myself about it the moment Clea’s interruption saved my life...it was like this thing that didn’t matter anymore because he’d tried to _kill_ me... it seemed inconsequential to being able to breathe again. I think that’s why I didn’t want to call the police," April confessed.

A numbness began creeping up on her enveloping her looming anxiety attack.The same numbness that had been keeping her alive and sane. The same numbness Will had melted away the night of the storm; allowing for the first time an honestly she was trying to run from. Will filled what was left of the gap between them.

“I’ve been telling everyone that I was fine and for a while I thought I was...but then you happened,” April said turning to him, “You were the first person to make me feel _anything_ that deeply after it happened.”

He rested his cheek against the top of her head and let out a tiny sigh as he wrapped his arms around her. They both had their eyes closed like two children believing that the world around them was gone if they could just close it off behind their eyelids.

The only two allowed in this world were Will and April; the feeling worked in that moment. Her forehead dragged to his cheek and then to his lips. He cradled her chin and she skimmed her lips over his. The numbness was still there struggling to hold on until they pressed their lips together.

It wasn’t until his tongue hit her mouth that it really let go. He began kissing her quicker than last time working his way down to her neck. She was lost again feeling the tug of pleasure and sorrow as they intertwined deeply inside of her; holding together as if one could not survive without the other. Her chest rose as each inhale was sadness and each exhale was pleasure the two switching back and forth confounding her every at every turn. A tear fell down her cheek ,even with her eyes closed, then another and another. Will stopped; he could feel the trembling in her chest.

“-April,”  he whispered.

His voice at her name was twined with regret at the timing of their kiss.

The knock on the door punched a hole through their bubble. April stepped back almost dazed; feeling like someone had woken her from a coma. She wiped her eyes and headed to the door. When she opened it she wished she hadn’t.

“Connor,” April looked down and away opening the door to let him, “What are you doing here?”

Connor knew April well enough to know when she was upset and sadly he had been the one on the dispensing end of those emotions so it wasn’t new and definitely wasn’t pleasant, but what was new was Will.

“Will? Hi?,” Connor answered confused and concerned, “I thought I would drop by and get my stuff like we’d discussed at work.”

Will had his hand covering his mouth trying to wipe away any trace of kissing April; with her ex-boyfriend standing in her apartment. He knew their past but he and Rhodes had one of their own. He hadn’t liked him initially and they bumped heads constantly, but over the last year they had managed to find a neutrality of sorts, almost a friendship but it was still too fresh and unformed to be considered that. None of the neutrality included Will sleeping with his ex-girlfriend.

“Rhodes,” Will nodded his direction, but he didn’t nor could he look him in the eye.

All the tension growing between them and they hadn’t noticed that April had grabbed Connor’s things in her hands. She walked out of her bedroom and handed them over.

“I think that this is most of it but if I come across more I will make sure to get it to you,” April said sniffling but with a forced smile.

She really didn’t want Connor there. She felt like she had just cracked her chest open and her organs were exposed to the elements with only the thinnest t-shirt to protect them.

“Ok…great-uh, I guess I will see you two later then,” Connor said nodding at Will and April.

His disappointment at April not being alone floating under his response.

The door closed but the bubble was torn and gone. Will slid his hands into his pockets and looked over to April.

“Do you want me to go too?” he asked honestly.

“No,” April said with an unexpected command in her voice, “Come here.”

She extended her hand out to him and he walked over grabbing it. She led them to her bedroom.

“April,” Will said softly and apologetically, “I don’t know if this is a good idea considering…,"

He couldn’t utter the words again and she knew what he meant but she didn’t agree. Something visceral and raw happened whenever he touched her. April understood it opened doors in her mind, her heart, and in the deep dark psyche that she would not have traveled to but when he kissed her he dug down deep and it forced the axiom within her. She pulled him into her bedroom and shut the door.

Will sat on the bed feeling dubious and hesitant at her mental state, but also within him was the very need to want to touch her again, to be inside her again. He hated himself for the latter considering the situation.

She sat next to him and pulled his chin to hers. She licked the bottom of his lips, the wetness of her tongue sent tiny tingles down his chest, and through his arms that he couldn’t control or deny. He had wanted her to sit and talk about what she needed but this is what she needed so he obliged. He pulled her in at the back of her neck and pushed his lips against hers. Their tongues met much quicker than their first kiss and even quicker than their second just moments ago in her living room. She pulled his shirt off separating them for the first time in minutes. It gave Will another minute to second guess the decision to move forward. But then she took off her own shirt and he took in all that glowing flesh and those two round perfect breasts and he gave in again. Her shoes were the last to come off. She flicked them off letting them slide across her floor; the small bits of dirt caught under them rendered a scratching sound that delivered her back into that night.

_Her eyes went to the candy on the floor some of it was under her now scratching against the hardwoods as Parker drug her across the floor by the ankle._

When she opened her eyes Will was between her legs sliding his hands up and down her stems at the ankle and calf,devouring her sex with his mouth, she glided her hand down to his hair lightly running her fingernails through his scalp. The pleasure waved through her and her eyes tossed to the back of her head welcoming the darkness and depth of the next feeling.

_The strike dazed her and when she could focus again he was on top of her; tearing at her bra, and pushing her dress up. He got control of her arms and moved his hand to her sex as he unbuttoned his pants; forcing himself inside her. Her body recoiled at the unwanted not allowing easy access as each cruel thrust tore at the sensitive skin it impounded._

When April fluttered her eyes open again her heart was racing. Will was on top of her kissing the crook of her neck and driving himself into her, desperately and eager, letting the undertones of grunts travel to her ear.

_She screamed “NO!” at each tear each thrust talking her body into the denial of what was happening. He was angry at the noise so his hand covered her mouth and he was closer to her now than ever, she could hear his breath in her ear as he whispered, “You fucking tease, **mmm** , you fucking bitch, **mmm** , we both wanted this.” _

_She squirmed underneath him; eventually allowing a small space to form between them. The action pushed him out of her and the inability to finish intensified his violence._

April rolled them over and guided him to his back she was now on top grinding her hips into him with a ferocity Will had never seen before. She was looking at him but not; it was through him, past him.

Parker’s face was now in her waking mind. Her eyes were open but there he was underneath her holding one side of her waist and the other on her shoulder deepening her movements into him. His eyes still afire with rage she met them with her own fire her heart pounded practically out of her chest and tears began running down her face.

“ _Bitch,” his voice a whispered hiss._

“April!” Will pleaded both hands on the side of her face.

“Don’t stop,” she said through her tears as she continued pulsing on top of him.

“April?” Will implored to her again.

The doctor in him wanted to end this he was no psychiatrist but the idea of having sex someone this upset didn’t sit well with him.

“Please,” she begged.

She moved to kiss him and he couldn’t help but kiss her back. The situation was slipping through his fingers as the intensity of her movements hadn’t stopped the untamable force building inside of him.

There was Parker again eyes still demonic and agitated as her pace became more impassioned. The momentum created inside of her propelled her forward and she screamed out an expletive.

Parker’s eyes darkened and when he blinked they were Wills. He started to yell as blood ran down his forehead splitting his head down the middle exposing the fire of copper and auburn. Each side of his face fell away revealing Will who was trying to contain the cry of the explosion inside of him but he couldn’t.

“GOD!”  He growled; erupting inside of her.

There were still tears coming down April’s face when she collapsed against him her body shuddering with grief as waves of pleasure threatened the melancholy that attempted to take up space within her. Will was trying to catch his breath and his senses as he held onto her still trying to figure out what in the hell had just happened.

“Are you okay?” He whispered still trying to catch his breath.

April nodded her face resting on his shoulders; still straddling him, their hands were locked together.

“I feel like you went somewhere, somewhere I couldn’t follow,” Will said through each tired breath.

He unhooked their hands and used his thumbs to wipe away the tears that were drying on her face. She opened her eyes and looked at him his dark eyes a place of safety and concern. He had her faced cradled in his large hands.

“I did go somewhere but I’m never going back there again,” she said shaking at the declaration.

Will stared at her awhile trying to figure out what she was thinking. He kissed her again this time slower with more intent behind it. She returned the intent to him and they laid there; curled up in her bed. No one was tip-toeing out or leaving this moment as they both fell asleep; breaths in unison. The storm was calm and any questions or uncertainty she had about her feelings for Will were vanquished.


	12. Let's Just Think About This a Second

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dysfunction of their last encounter is haunting Will and he has to say something but to what end and is April finally ready to deal with her trauma before she ruins their chance at happiness

This time Will was the first to wake up and quietly get out of bed as to not wake April. He wasn’t going to leave yet not without saying goodbye but he did need to leave. It was six in the morning and he had a shift to get ready for. He came back into the room. April was still curled up asleep against the empty shape that had been his presence in her bed. She looked so fragile so small and Will couldn’t help but think about the sex they just had and how seriously dysfunctional it had felt. It was nothing like the last time the energy was different, uncomfortable for him. He found his shirt in the corner and put it on. He was lacing up his tennis shoes when he heard her move and let out a small groan.

“Hey,” Will said turning to look at her as she sat up.

“Hey,” She replied groggily.

“I have to work at eight and I need to get home shower, brush my teeth, be a whole person,” Will stated dryly with an equally dry smile.

April nodded and reached over to grab her robe off the floor. She didn’t work till ten but she wanted to get more of her apartment unpacked. Will moved to the door opening it but turned to her sitting on the edge of her bed yawning.

“I’ll see you at work later?” he asked knowing he would.

April nodded while yawning and then Will left, there was no goodbye kiss no lingering stares something was different and although April was tired she could feel it too. It was the looming feeling of a familiar beast; awkwardness. She tucked her knees up to her chest and tightened her hold around them. Maybe it was a bad thing that every time Will touched her it was so intense, intense enough to bring about her repressed memories of her rape. _Would it always be like that?_ Maybe last night was a mistake. She wasn’t sure if it exorcised some demon or opened a door inside her she may not be able to close.

She got up and showered before making a light breakfast and unpacking her bookshelves and living room. Around nine she got her bag together put her scrubs on and went to work.

Will was already there he was working on a triple overdose case with a resident and didn’t have much time to talk. They exchanged a few cordial smiles but the flow was off and it was apparent.

At the end of his shift he headed to Molly’s and sent April a text message to see if she would meet him there. A couple of hours later she responded and was on her way over. There was a dread in her footsteps at the unknown. When she arrived he looked just as anxious bobbing his leg up in down under the table.

“Hey,” April said sitting down across from him at their two-top table.

“Hey,” Will smiled that same dry-polite smile.

His face was still nervous.

“So I’ve been thinking a bit about yesterday,” Will began, “I’m not a hundred percent sure what happened but whatever it was it wasn’t healthy.”

"It was definitely intense...but I’m okay,” April said with a shrug but Will’s eyes were critical and full of regret.

“I don’t think so April you were looking at me but it was like no one was home... the expression in your eyes was vacant,” Will said.

“I think I had another panic attack in the middle but-," April started.

“-That is what I’m talking about! You had a panic attack _after_ the first time we had sex and then another _during_ sex last night,” Will said still regretful but still concerned, “I think you need help April, you’ve been through something horrific and it’s obvious you’re not talking to anyone about it so I looked into it and I think this can help,” Will said digging into his pocket.

He produced a couple of pamphlets from his pocket.

“I got these from the hospital. There’s a group that meets but if that’s not something you’re comfortable with,” he said grabbing another from underneath the first, “You can make an appointment to talk one-on-one with this psychiatrist that the hospital provides, it’s free to all personnel,” Will said; his eyes still concerned but less apologetic.

April tensed up; she felt like she had enough of a grip and was handling things on her own without bringing some stranger or even strangers into her business.

“Will, I’m fine...really. Yes I can admit that last night was...a lot... but you’re helping me more than you realize,” April said looking at him trying to convince him and herself of her words.

“I’m not equipped for this April. I’m only human...," He said shaking his head, "And I don’t think you understand... it was traumatic for _me_ too, you wanted me to just...just keep going as you _cried_ through sex,” Will’s voice was elevated but he brought it down when a person passed behind him.

Will felt ashamed that he hadn't stopped it. He let his own indulgence with her cloud his judgement to her detriment but not again. He couldn't let it go on.

“I think that the timing for us is just off right now and I want you-no, I _need_ you to get some help before we try and pursue anything between us,” Will said pleading; but confident in his words.

April scoffed, “So this is some kind of intervention?”

He started to shake his head.

“It’s fine Will," April started, "I’ll let you know when I’m not damaged goods anymore. Then the coast will be clear and you can _fuck_ me again," April fumed before getting up.

“Don’t, don’t treat me like some kind of hook-up. You know that what happened between us meant more to me than that,” Will’s eyes revealed his hurt but his tone was now frustrated, “And this isn’t an intervention, but I want what happens between us to be clear for once because it hasn’t been and last night didn’t help," Will said matter-of-factly.

April rolled her eyes and kept moving.

“April," Will pleaded grabbing her arm as she went to walk by him, "Please don't leave."

“Why?” April answered still hostile looking down at him.

“Because if you do then I can only assume its because you don’t want to be with me,” Will’s eyes still carried the hurt over her anger but now they were urgent.

April looked up and away unable to continue to let his eyes burn through her and pull her back into their bubble.

“Then don’t assume, just know I don't,” April said snatching her arm away as she walked away.

It wasn’t until she was outside; three blocks down that the emptiness inside her, the numbness that had melted was filling her up. The tears that she didn’t bother to wipe away ran down her face. She knew he was right, but she wasn’t in the space that she needed to be to seek help from anyone she didn’t know or trust. She hated him for using his love as leverage to push her hand. She just wanted everything to return to normal and be fine, she was fine, everyone was fine…right?

Sadness hit him first but then anger. He knew he hadn’t always dealt with their relationship perfectly but he knew he had not done anything wrong this time. He was right, she needed help and him offering her help was not wrong. He sat at the table staring at his beer second guessing whether or not an ultimatum had been the best decision.

She was still his best friend, he didn’t want to lose that, but he could not be with her. Not romantically as much as he wanted to when she was still so messed up about the Parker situation. He didn’t buy her being “fine” and deep down he knew she knew that was a damn lie too. He finished his beer and slammed a twenty dollar bill down before scooping up the pamphlets and leaving.

....

The next day at work he took the same ones and slid them in her locker before she got to work. Upon discovering them she was incensed.

“Can I talk to you?” April hissed a whisper at him as he was walking from exam room five.

“Yeah,” Will said softly, he knew what it was about.

“I told you I’m fine! There was no future for us! So stop putting this bullshit in my locker!" April hissed; still in a whisper.

“Fine," Will said trying his best to absorb her hurtful words, "We don’t have to move on from what we started, but you are still my friend, and you still need help _regardless_ of our relationship status,” Will said rationally but softly.

“Keep this up and we won’t be friends either,” April said succinctly walking away.

He wasn’t defeated yet, but he also couldn’t deny that hearing her state for the second time that she didn’t want to pursue anything with him hadn’t hurt his feelings. Her threat of ending their friendship was a hard blow.

He kept at it though; every time they had an overlapping shift he would stuff the literature in her locker. Days went by and then a week and then into the next week.

She had frozen him out completely. She ignored his text messages, phone calls, and let his voicemails stack up; never listening to them. April would get to work and almost ritualistically she would tear up the pamphlets left in her locker. Until one day there were no more and the phone stopped ringing.

April came into work that day feeling better. She had finally been able to stuff down her emotions because there were no more messages from Will and she knew she could finally move on. She hadn't realized it but this "better" was just numbness. It had finally taken root and come to live within her. As there were no more kisses, hugs, or embraces from Will to counter the feeling.

The ED was quiet until a mother and daughter came in. The little girl had a large cut on her forehead and was bleeding profusely. Her mother looked terrible; her left eye was swelling and her cheek was red and beginning to bruise. Immediately the EMT pulled Dr. Choi aside after listing her injuries.

“The cop at the house said the little girl was struck after trying to get her step-dad _off_ of her mother,” the EMT whispered, “She needs a rape kit.”

Dr. Choi nodded and headed to second exam room with April. He treated her face and cuts. The woman kept saying she was fine but Ethan wanted to get her the help she needed so he called Dr. Charles down to assist him with the woman’s emotional trauma.

“Hello Stephanie,” Dr. Charles said in his normally friendly manner, “I understand that you’ve had a very scary night and I know that sometimes having to relive that fear can feel just as bad as the actual event,” Dr. Charles stated.

“It was just a misunderstanding I don’t know why everyone keeps talking to me like some delicate snowflake, I’m okay,” Stephanie said through a forced smile.

“It says on your chart that you have waived a rape kit,” Dr. Charles started, “And you're well within your rights to do that but I want you to think about why you might be saying no to it.”

“I wasn’t raped, that didn’t happen. I mean he’s my husband that can’t happen…right?” she answered; her voice falling as quickly as the tears in her eyes.

“Can you guys give us a moment,” Dr. Charles said.

April and Ethan nodded and walked out. April rolled her eyes as she headed to the medical desk to order a cat scan. Her face had not gone unnoticed by Ethan.

“April?” he said with a raised eyebrow and confusion spread across his face.

She looked over to him before saying, “I don’t know why we couldn’t just respect her wishes she said she was fine.”

Ethan's face turned up at her remark. He couldn't believe she of all people could have this attitude.

“Because our job is to help our patients, and that woman needs a lot of help, and not just her, her daughter walked in on the SOB on top of her mother. That isn’t something that little girl is going to just forget.”

He stared at her longer than she liked, it was the same look he gave her when he asked if she needed a rape kit in the ED months prior.

April looked down and shrugged as the memories from that night flooded her thoughts. She knew he was right but that was that woman and her situation didn’t have anything to do with her. Ethan asked her to go check on the little girl because the mother was asking for her. April went to the exam room where the little girl was sitting on the bed her little legs dangly off the side she couldn’t have been any older than six.

“Hi, Lily I’m April I’m going to take you to see your mom now,” April said sweetly.

April went to touch the little girl’s hand to lead her out but she flinched. April’s eyes softened.

“Is…. _he_ here?” April shook her head no.  Lily voice was small and shaking. “I wanted to help her but I wasn’t strong enough.”

The little girl was shaking like a leaf and the fear in her eyes was all too familiar to April. To see the innocence sullied by that fear made April angry, but it broke her heart too. Lily took her hand and they walked to her mother’s exam room. She took off quickly toward her mother as the two held each other tightly before Stephanie began sobbing.

April walked to the bathroom and shut the stall. She felt a tear coming down her eye but before she could stop it there was another, then another before she knew it she was on the floor sobbing uncontrollably. Seeing the innocence ripped away from that little girl reminded her of having her own stolen and she knew in that moment that she couldn’t keep the lid on her emotions anymore. She cleaned up her face and went to the information center. She found the pamphlet for the one-on-one visit Will had given her so many times. She walked up to the floor and made the first appointment.

April had never undergone psychotherapy so she had no idea what to expect but Dr. Winkler was nice and patient.

"What made you make an appointment with this office?" Dr. Winkler asked.

April was nervous but she just blurted it out.

"Several months ago... I was brutally attacked by someone... I um-I haven't been dealing with it very well."

Their first session they laid out what the expectations were and what was off limits and what they would begin with. April admitted her hesitancy at therapy and how she had pushed Will away when he suggested coming but ultimately she knew she couldn’t maintain her white-knuckled grip on her sanity.

“I’m glad that you came April, you have a good friend,” Dr. Winkler stated.

“Yeah,” April said softly but regrettably as she left the first session.

When she got home she sat at her table staring at her phone. Finally she pressed the number one button down to listen to the stored messages left by Will.

Message one on July 30th at 10:30pm.

“ _Hey it’s me, look, I can’t just forget it and I know you’re mad at me but at least consider getting some help."_

Message two on July 31st at 7:30pm.

_“April...c’mon you know I care about you. I just want you to be okay.”_

Message three on August 2nd at 5 pm.

_“April it’s me...I’m not going to stop trying, I’m still here, I’m still your friend.”_

Message four on August 4th at 6 pm.

_“I know it seems unprofessional, but...please.”_

Message five on August 11th.

_“Okay, it’s pretty clear that even if you are going to get help I won’t know because I won’t be included in your life anymore. I would say it’s fine but it’s not……I miss you.”_

End of messages to hear these messages again press four.

April put the phone down not realizing that she was crying again. She had to apologize; to make things right with Will. Hopefully she hadn’t pushed him so far away that they couldn’t be friends, but if she was honest she wanted to see where things could go beyond their friendship.

She got up the next morning and went over to his house. She had avoided him for weeks so she had no idea what his schedule was. When she got to his place Ryan answered the door.

“Hey April!” Ryan said giving her a hug, “How have you been?”

“I’ve been good and you? Everything's going good here?” April asked inquisitively.

“Yeah, Will’s pretty cool,” Ryan said with a smile. April nodded in agreement.

“Is he around?” April asked.

“I think he ran around to the coffee shop to meet his girlfriend," Ryan stated as he sat on the couch.

The statement stopped April in her tracks and her heart felt like it was free-falling.

“His girlfriend?” April asked perplexed and shocked by the thought.

“Uh-yeah I’ve only met her a couple of times I think he said her name's Natalie.”


	13. Raging Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will is with Natalie?! Will is licking his wounds and is depressed about the dissolution of his relationship with April. This is what he's been up to since April left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of this fic as it was supposed to be about April's first year of medical school and her burgeoning relationship with Will however I have gotten kind of obsessed with the angst around these two and I want to see them together so I am creating another portion to this world where we see Connor and April back together and Will and Natalie trying to see if they can have a relationship and the four of them attempting a friendship via double dates and hanging out which will be FULL of drama considering this fic started with April and Will in love with Connor and Natalie and the next will be them being in love with each other while seemingly getting everything they both wanted but don't actually desire. I have already begun the next chapter for it so if you enjoyed these then follow me to the final works of Sexstead!

Will knew he was playing with fire when it came to his friendship with April but he didn’t care anymore. He loved her too much to watch her entire life go up in flames because of the trauma she’d endured.

Everyday he would get into work, say hello, meet his first case and then go down to the information center and get more pamphlets for her. After she yelled at him the first time she kept her promise and stopped talking to him. They had a few cases they worked on together but aside from professional communication she was an ice queen an impenetrable stone wall.

One day he was sitting in an on call room, and he picked up the phone to talk to her. He knew she wouldn’t answer; she hadn’t returned any of the last calls he made or texts he'd sent but he wanted to say one last thing before he closed the door on their friendship. Hopefully she'd hear it.

“April, I know that you’re still pissed, but I’m still here, I told you I would carry any burden with you and I meant it….because you’re my best friend and…..because…that’s what people do when they lov _e_ each other.”

_To send this message press three to erase this message press four._

Will held down the four and squeezed the cell in his hand bringing his fist to his mouth he stayed there a minute thinking about the fact that that was the first time he had ever said that to her. The last woman he even alluded love to had decided not to return it so he sat there thinking about April and how indifferent she was to him. It was not the time and he couldn’t handle putting more unreturned emotional labor out there to no avail. So he proceeded to leave a different message.

“Okay, it’s pretty clear that even if you are going to get help I won’t know because I won’t be included in your life anymore. I would say it’s fine but it’s not……I miss you.”

His eyes began to water as he sat there. He collected himself before returning to the main level of the hospital. He had a case with an autistic twelve year old with abdominal pain that he was going to have Nat take over when he came out. When he entered the exam room the boy was having a fit yelling and screaming at his mother who was desperate to understand what he was trying to convey to her.

“Alright Eli let’s calm down,” Will said moving closer to him.

He didn’t have any time to block the hit because he didn’t see it coming. The punch landed to his mouth knocking Will into the boy’s mom. A nurse yelled for security and a couple of orderlies charged the room getting the fiasco under control. Natalie was walking up as they restrained the boy and then sedated him. It was a risky move considering they didn’t know what his symptoms were but his agitation was more than they could handle. She had a scan ordered for his stomach and confirmed appendicitis before transferring him upstairs for surgery.

 _“_ You okay?” Natalie asked sensitively

Will was looking in the mirror and swabbing the corner of his bloodied mouth.His eyes looked over to her; still keeping the swab on his lip. He  nodded slightly yes. She walked over to him and grabbed his hand.

“Let me," She commanded with a smile.

Will hadn’t been this close to her in a while it was interesting to him the way it made him feel. He had been so preoccupied with April that everything he felt for Natalie had shrunk to infinitesimal size, but it was still there, not unlike a dying candle struggling in the wind; backed deeply in the corner of his mind.

The oddest feeling was that after she took over; it hurt less. He could feel the bubbles popping in effervescence on his lip and some of the toil and strife started to wilt away. This was the feeling she used to give him and remembering it made him feel cosseted. A feeling he hadn’t been experiencing as of late. He was watching her attentively as she cleaned him up. Then they caught each other’s eyes and the flame burned a little brighter.

“How are you Will?” Natalie asked; her dark eyes meeting his with concern, “You’ve seemed a little down lately.”

“You noticed that huh?” Will said passively, but still looking her in the eyes.

She nodded.

“Do you want to get a drink at Molly’s after work, maybe talk about what's going on?”

“I think I’d like that,” Will said feeling a bit better.

She kept to the date. They got off of work and grabbed a beer at Molly’s. He caught her up on the troubles of finding a roommate and how big of a help April had been. He was careful with the details about April, no one knew about her assault vividly; however most were privy to the fact that she had had some kind of serious injury. Natalie was no idiot she knew pretty quickly after she’d been questioned by the police that Parker had beaten up April.

“I guess you were all questioned,” Will said taking in a gulp of his beer and coming to the realization, “You never came over though or mentioned it," Will said looking at Natalie.

“I know April, she is fiercely private. When she lost the baby she made me use the utility elevator and wheel her down the back exits so no one would see her,” Natalie said with a sad smile.

Will smiled back and shook his head at her stubbornness and her need for privacy that bordered on denial.

“Yeah, I think I might have underestimated how private she is and stepped over the line,” Will said twisting up his paper coaster.

"She’ll come around, I think that it's just been a really hard year for her, but your heart was in the right place,” Natalie said.

The words were more than a comfort they were a confirmation of the way Natalie used to make him feel. She was so encouraging and he used to be so afraid of his feelings for her he would often act out. The flame burned a bit brighter. They settled up their checks and went home.

When Will got home he looked to his phone. April still hadn’t called him back. Almost like a little gift from the cheer-up gods there was a ping; but it was from Natalie,

 _“Really nice catching up with you, we should do it again sometime soon_.”

The text made him feel appreciated; wanted, something that he hadn’t felt in weeks. The sting of April’s rejection was being soothed and the flame grew stronger.

The following week they ate lunch together and grabbed coffee before work. She eventually divulged that she and Jeff had broken up a few months before when they were walking back from the local coffee shop by Will's place.

“I think he’s a great guy and he’s going to make someone else really happy one day, but just not me," Natalie confessed.

“Well at least you know that there is happiness out there for you,” Will said walking slowly to his door.

“Maybe closer than you think,” Natalie said with an enticement he’d never heard from her.

Her turned to look at her in a flirtatious confusion. She laughed before saying,

“I know this really great guy who can be stubborn, egotistical, and sometimes just downright mean,but-um he actually turned out to be really great, he has a lot of integrity," Natalie said smiling, her dark brown eyes lighting up.

Will leaned in and kissed her and she kissed him back; it was chaste and simple, but just like that the flame was back and there was no more wind blowing it around. They went on a couple more dates and she came back to his place once before to watch a movie but they wanted to take things slow.

One day after getting coffee she walked him back to his house before she had to head to her mother-in-laws to pick up her son.

“You sure you don’t want to come up for a while,” Will said flirtatiously grinning at her.

He knew the answer would be no but it was always fun to pick at the pacing of their budding romance.

They'd only kissed and it was nice. He still had April on his brain at different times and he wasn’t quite ready to move their relationship into that area yet. The entire situation with April made him a tad more trepidatious with Natalie and she was okay with it.

“I can’t I have to get Owen, tell Ryan I said hello,” Natalie said letting his hand go and walking down the steps of the brownstone.

When Will got in Ryan was on the couch typing a paper on his laptop and listening to music.

“What’s up?" Will said.

“Not much just getting some homework done,” Ryan said.

Will went to walk past him to go upstairs.

“Oh yeah, April stopped by to see you!” Ryan yelled nonchalantly.

Will stopped in his tracks and pivoted on his feet.

“April?” Will said almost confused.

Just like that she was back in his mind. If Natalie was a burning candle in the corner April was a raging firethat consumed him entirely. He stood there floored for a while and then he went upstairs and stared at his phone.

_I would carry any burden with you and I meant it….because you’re my best friend and…..because…that’s what people do when they love each other.”_

He had the words saved in his memory but now that he had a chance with Natalie he was going to try his best to be happy and if April cared for him that’s what she would want for him. If she have felt anything for him; but did she?


End file.
